


Living Through the Unimaginable

by GinnyK



Series: The World Turned Upside Down [2]
Category: Bull (TV 2016)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-06-08 13:24:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 30,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15244335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GinnyK/pseuds/GinnyK
Summary: Bull's recovering at home from his heart attack and one can just guess how well that's going.  Marissa deals with lots of texts, more than a bit of whining, surprising emotions, some sweet moments and everything in between.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title for the story and the series shamelessly stolen from Lin-Manuel Miranda.
> 
> Text messages are in italics

Day 1-Monday

 

It was nearly 10 in the morning by the time Marissa took 5 minutes for herself, choosing to hide in Bull’s office.  She’d made it to the office well ahead of everyone and had over an hour to get things settled a bit.  When everyone had arrived she gathered them all in the kitchen and gave them an update on Bull.  She asked that they not text him about work.  He was supposed to be home recovering, not working from home.  She may have threatened bodily harm to anyone who broke her rule.  While they all understood her position they also knew they’d be fielding calls and texts from their boss and would have to come up with some creative ways to ignore him.

She sank into the corner of his oversized and very comfortable brown leather couch with a sigh.  Kicking her shoes off she checked her phone for the 10th time in the last hour.  Nothing from Bull.  On one hand she was happy he wasn’t texting every 20 minutes, on the other hand, it was nearly 10 and she hadn’t heard from him at all.  Vague concern won out and she open her messages to send a quick text.

 

_MM-Can’t believe I’m texting you first but it’s nearly 10 and I haven’t heard from you.  Everything okay?_

_JB-Everything is fine.  Trying not to bother you.  And to be honest, I slept until 9._

_MM-good you needed the sleep.  Call or text after rehab_

_JB-if I’m still alive_

_MM-yeah I’m thinking you will be, talk to you later._

Marissa went about the rest of the day, working hard to concentrate on running TAC all the while trying not to think about how strange it was not to have Bull around.  She worked out of his office most of the day. Nobody gave it a second thought, she always spent a good deal of her work day in there, whether he was in the office or not.

A little after 3, as she was deciding whether or not to start the algorithm on the Abbott case she heard her text alert go off.  Took her a few seconds to find her phone a stack of papers spread out over Bull’s coffee table and couch, but she eventually found it.

 

_JB-still alive after rehab, in case you were wondering._

_MM-wasn’t really worried, how was it?_

_JB-felt like an idiot, walked on the treadmill and talked with the counselor about “healthy habits”._

_MM-I’m sure you could use some of those._

_JB-whatever, I’m going to take a nap._

_MM-treadmill wore you out?_

_JB-remind me why I like you_

_MM-cute and amazing mister_

_JB-yeah, yeah I remember.  Talk later?_

_MM-Of course_

She set aside the phone with a smile she and Bull could only describe as “gooey”.

Leaving the office by 5 was a treat for her.  She hadn’t heard from Bull since he went to take a nap and to her knowledge he hadn’t tried to weasel work information out of any of the others during the day.  So she considered Bull’s first work day at home to be a success.

She was home by 5:30 for the first time in longer than she could remember.  She kicked off her shoes and pulled her silk blouse out of her grey pencil skirt as she headed for the kitchen and glass of white wine.

With her wine in hand she perused the dinner selection in her refrigerator, which didn’t take all that long.  She was in desperate need of a trip to the grocery store.  She made herself some eggs with a side of spinach which she found in the crisper.  It was past it’s prime but was fine sautéed with the eggs.

She opened the windows to let in some fresh air as she hadn’t really been home for a few days.  After eating she unpacked her bag from the weekend and started a load of laundry. 

Her phone rang as she was washing the day’s makeup off her face.  She quickly wiped her face on the nearest towel and grabbed her phone off the bed.  A smile came across her face when she saw the name JASON on the screen.

“Hey, so the treadmill didn’t kill you,” she said with a laugh as she flopped down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. 

“Cute, no it did not,” Bull replied as he paced around his kitchen.  “Seriously, it was harder than I expected.”

“You’re still recovering Jason, it’s only been a little over a week.”

“I know, but it still sucks,” he said as he grabbed a water bottle out of the fridge.

“Yeah, it does.  Did you get some sleep this afternoon?”

“Crashed when I got home, like a little kid after a hard morning at preschool,” he spit out.

“Jason,” Marissa said with both a bit of sympathy and a warning edge.  She wasn’t in the mood to listen to a pity party, not after only his first day home.

“Yeah, take it slow.  I’m trying Riss, I’m trying.”

“I know.  It’ll get better.  What time is your appointment tomorrow?”

“2:30, want to get lunch before?”

Marissa took a deep breath as she debated his offer.  “Sure, I’ll meet you somewhere.”

“Meet me somewhere.  I can’t go to my own office,” he whined.

“Nope.  Not yet.”

“Soon?”

“Depends on your definition of soon,” Marissa said with a smile.

“I’m sure my definition is not that same as yours,” he admitted with a sigh.

“Did you eat anything?” Marissa asked, deftly changing the subject.

“A little of the chicken pot pie.”

“Still not hungry?” she asked, trying to push down any concern.

“No really.  But I ate and drank enough, don’t worry,” he said, trying to reassure her a bit.

“Big plans for tonight?” Marissa asked as she propelled herself off the bed and headed to the kitchen to make some tea.

“If by big plans you mean watching the Yankee game and trying not to die of boredom, then yes, I have big plans.”

“Great. I’m going to do a little reading and turn in early.”

“’Work reading?  Need some help with anything?” he asked eagerly.

“Nope.” Marissa answered rather quickly.

Bull whined for a few more minutes as he continued pacing around the kitchen, turning on the flame under the tea kettle.  Marissa let him whine for a while, interjecting some appropriate remarks as she waiting impatiently for her water to boil

 “Alright Jason, I’m going to get off, my water’s boiling,’ she said quietly

“Mine too.  Have a good night.”

“You too.  Get some sleep. I’ll see you for lunch.”

“Thanks, Riss.  Good night.”

Both hung up and drank their tea in their respective kitchens.  Marissa read a few case files while Bull finished up the crossword puzzle from the morning paper.

Marissa was asleep at the unheard of hour of 10:30.   Sleep was a little more elusive for Bull, he was still up and pacing around the apartment at nearly midnight.  He broke down and took a sleeping pill.  By 1:00 he was snoring softly, dreaming of work.


	2. Chapter 2

Day 2-Tuesday

 

Marissa checked her phone after getting out of the shower at little before 6:00 AM.  No missed calls or texts from Bull.  There was a text from Benny letting her know he was going straight to court and would check with her later.  She dressed quickly and was headed to the office by 6:40.  As she watched the sights of the city go by she sank deeper into the soft leather of the car, completely enjoying the use of Bull’s car and driver.

She was sitting in the kitchen of TAC, enjoying her coffee and chatting with Cable when her text alert chimed.  A smile came to her face as she saw JASON on the screen, a smile which did not go unnoticed by Cable.

“You going to answer him?” Cable asked with something resembling a smirk on her face as she reached for a banana.

“Uh, yeah sure,” Marissa said, feeling herself blush just a bit as the phone chimed once again.

“Tell him I said hi,” Cable said as she slid off the stool and headed for her desk.

 

_JB-do you know where the folder with the discharge papers ended up?_

_JB-never mind, found it on my desk.  Good morning, by the way_

_MM-morning, Cable says hi, by the way._

_JB-tell her I said hi back._

_MM-I will. Did you sleep?_

_JB-I did, after a sleeping pill._

_MM-whatever it takes.  Met me at McLoone’s at noon._

_JB- or I could meet you at MY office_

_MM-not happening.  And before you ask why you like me, the answer as always is “cute and amazing”_

_JB-of course, see you later._

Marissa headed to her office, stopping by Cable’s desk to relay Bull’s greeting.  She worked in silence in her own office.  She fielded a few calls which came to Bull’s phone, spoke with Benny during voir dire for the Abbott case and set up an algorithm for a few other cases.  She met with Chunk to run through the witnesses they needed to prep for the rest of the week. 

Everything was going well, they worked together like a well-oiled machine, but it was clear they were all missing their leader.  The office just wasn’t the same without Bull, it was too quiet.

Marissa left to meet Bull at 11:45, giving herself a few extra minutes to enjoy the fresh air on the walk over to McLoone’s. 

She spotted him sitting at an outside table when she turned the corner.  He was dressed in well worn jeans and a plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up.  He has his sunglasses on, Yankee cap hanging from the back of the chair. She felt the familiar flutter of her heart, one she tried in vain to suppress.  She smiled broadly when he spotted her.  He stood up with a big smile of his own as she got closer.

“TAC still standing?” he asked with the smirk as he leaned over a little to kiss her cheek.

“Of course,” she replied with a healthy roll of her eyes as she patted his cheek before returning the quick kiss.

“Outside fine?” he asked.

“Lovely,” Marissa replied.  “I could use some fresh air.”

“You and me both.”

Lunch was surprisingly comfortable, Bull was bit quiet but Marissa didn’t say anything at first. To his credit, he only asked a few questions about work.  Marissa answered them without going into great detail, hoping if she gave him a little information it might placate him.  To her surprise, it did.  But she also knew that it most likely had more to do the anxiety he was probably feeling about his follow up appointment.  He hadn’t said anything about how he was feeling but Marissa knew him all too well.

When the waitress served their coffee she finally asked him about it.

“Jason, are you okay?  You’re a little too quiet today,” she said simply.

“I guess you’re not going to let me get away with not answering that, are you?” he asked with a sigh.

Marissa just shook her head as she reached across the table to give his hand a quick squeeze.

“Worried about your appointment?”

Bull let out a shaky breath.  “Yeah.  It’s stupid.  I feel pretty well.  I don’t expect anything out of the ordinary to come of it.”

“Being worried is perfectly normal, you know that right. Three PhDs should have taught you that,” she teased.

“I know,” he said with a sigh.

Marissa took a sip of coffee and contemplated offering to go with him to the appointment.  But she decided against it in an effort to try and start to put some distance between the two of them.  She glanced at her watch, mindful of the 2:15 meeting she had schedule with a new client.  It was 1:40 so she needed to get going so she could pull the files and make sure the conference room was set up.

“You need to leave?” he asked as he signaled for the check.

“I do.  I have a meeting and you need to get uptown for your appointment.”  The waitress brought the check as Marissa quickly reapplied her lipstick.  Bull took a quick glance at the check and pulled some cash out of his wallet.  He put on his hat and stood up quickly.  As had been the norm since the heart attack it took him a second or two to get his bearings.

Marissa adjusted her sunglasses and put her bag over her shoulder, feeling just a bit awkward.

“I’ll call you later,” Bull said as he pushed the brim of his hat up an inch or so to better look Marissa in the eye. 

“Okay, good luck,” she said as she grabbed his hands and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Thanks,” he muttered as he gave her hands a quick squeeze before letting her go.

***

When Marissa got off the elevator at TAC she didn’t expect to see Chunk, Benny, Cable and Danny all waiting for her.

“Welcoming committee?” she muttered as she tried to just walk past the group and head to her office.

“How is he?  How’d he look?  Did he try to come up to the office?  What time is his appointment?” they all asked at once.

She just led them all to the kitchen.

“This can’t happen every time I see him,” she said with a chuckle.  “I know this is all taking some getting used to, by all of us.  He’ll be back soon.  He looks pretty good, still a little tired.  Appointment is at 2:30 and no he didn’t try to come up here.  I gave him some vague information on our current cases which placated him for now.”

“You know that won’t last long,” Chunk pointed out as he grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge.

“Oh, I am well aware of that.  Has he texted or called anyone about work?”

They all shook their heads.  She was a bit surprised but she did believe them.

“Okay, we have a meeting with the Blake family in 15 minutes, let’s get ready,” she announced.  Everyone but Benny scattered quickly.

“Marissa, is he really okay?” Benny asked.

“I think so.  He was a little anxious about the appointment, but I pointed out that was perfectly normal.  He’s not quite himself yet but it’s a little hard to put into words what’s not right.  Have you talked to him?”  Benny just shook his head. “Want me to have him give you a call?”

“That’d be great,” Benny said with a smile.  “Let’s get to work.”

*****

Bull walked out of the doctor’s office a little before 4:00.  As Marissa predicted everything had gone fairly well.  The doctor was happy with his progress but not enough to clear him to return to work, much to Bull’s disappointment.  He had some bloodwork done and made a promise to try and walk more. In an effort to do just that. he had his driver drop him off a few blocks from home so he could get some exercise. 

He got home, poured himself a glass of iced tea, sat in the couch in his office and promptly fell asleep.  A little before 6:00 he woke with a start.  It took him a minute to get his bearings.  He sat up and shook the cobwebs out of his head as he reached for his cell phone.  There was a string of texts from Marissa

 

_MM-how was the appointment?_

_MM-everything okay?_

_MM-Jason answer me._

_MM-I’m about to come over there._

_JB-I’m fine, fell asleep after the appointment.  Give me a few minutes and I’ll call you._

_MM-okay_

Bull splashed some water on his face and used the bathroom before calling Marissa. 

“Are you okay?” Marissa asked, picking up almost before the first ring had finished.

“Hello to you too, Riss,” Bull teased.

“Sorry, Hi Jason. How was the appointment?”

“Like you predicted, it was fine.  Happy with my progress.  Did a little bloodwork, told me to walk more,” he said flatly.

“You don’t sound all that pleased with his report,” Marissa pointed out gently.  She was pretty sure she knew what had not been decided at the appointment.

“It’s fine.  I just want to get back to work.  He says it’s too soon for return to work because of the stress,” he said bitterly.

“Jason, I know it’s hard.  But he’s right.  When do you go back to see him?”

“Next Friday.  Hopefully he’ll clear me to return then,” he sighed as he got up off the couch and headed for the kitchen.

“Two weeks out of your life, in the grand scheme of things, is not all that long,” Marissa said carefully.  She wasn’t sure how deep of a conversation she wanted to get into over the phone. 

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Bull muttered as he opened the fridge to find something for dinner.

“What are you doing?” she asked, hearing odd sounds coming through the phone.

“Sorry, had my head in the freezer looking for dinner,” he replied with a laugh.

“Find anything good?”

“Oh course, it’s my freezer, not yours,” he teased.  Marissa just chuckled.  “If you’re hungry feel free to come over,” he said quietly.

“Not tonight.  Maybe Thursday or Friday,” Marissa answered simply.

“Okay.  I’m going to go, I think I’m actually hungry,” he said as he scrubbed a hand down his face.

“Good.  Have fun at rehab.  Talk to you tomorrow.  Good night.”

“Good night Riss.”

 

Marissa hung up and opened her own fridge to find something to eat. She closed it quickly when she realized that the food fairy had not made a delivery and the fridge was still bare. With a sigh she went to her room to change into comfortable clothes so she could run to the store to stock up a bit.

Bull ate his dinner, cleaned up and headed for the balcony and some fresh air.  He opened up his messages to try and find someone to give him some info about the current cases.

 

JB-Chunk I am bored to tears, any interesting cases?

CP-really Bull?  Marissa promised bodily harm if we talked to you about work

JB-we can talk in code

CP-NO WAY!! 

CP-Seriously, how are you?

JB-hanging in there, hoping not to die of boredom.  I’ll text Cable she has a soft spot for me since I hired her back.

CP-feel free to try, she’s not going to give you any info.

JB-Whatever.  Talk to you soon.

***

JB-Cable, how’s my favorite tech geek doing?

CM-good and you’re not getting any information about work.

JB-remind me why I hired you back?

CM-cause I’m the only one who can both do the job and put up with you.

JB-yeah.  Hopefully I’ll be allowed to set foot in the building soon.

CM-hang in there boss

JB-thanks.

Bull was going to text Benny but a quick scroll through Facebook told him that Benny was out with friends, probably enjoying good food and wine.

With the baseball game on in the background Bull read for a while, returned a few phone calls and ended up going to bed early.


	3. Chapter 3

Day 3-Wednesday

 

To say that Wednesday morning was hectic would have been an understatement.  It was a little after 11:00 before Marissa realized she had yet to eat breakfast.  She was running on 4 cups of coffee and adrenaline.  The key witness in the Abbott case had decided to go off the rails in their testimony and she and Benny were pulling out their hair.

“God, I miss Bull,” Benny muttered as he tossed aside his legal pad and picked up his cold cup of coffee. 

“Me too,” Marissa sighed.

“Heard from him today?” Benny asked as he got up to pace around the room.  He stretched a little, trying to work of the kinks that came from leaning over a legal pad for the past 2 hours.

“No, I haven’t,” Marissa said she glanced at her cell phone.  No messages or missed calls from Bull.  Part of her was happy she hadn’t spent the morning thinking about him, the other part was of course starting to worry that she hadn’t head anything.  She knew he had cardiac rehab in the morning, but really didn’t know what time his appointment was.  Which she knew was a good thing, it meant she was succeeding in putting some distance between the two of them.

“Marissa, you’re spacing out a little,” Benny said with a small laugh as he watched her stare at her cell phone for a minute .  “Let’s get some food,” he suggested as she laughed a little.

“Sounds good,” she said as she ran her fingers through her hair.

They headed for the kitchen to grab some food and get out of her office for a few minutes.

“So how long are you going to keep him away from his own company?” Benny asked.

“I don’t know,” Marissa replied with a sigh.  “Doctor didn’t clear him to return to work when he saw him yesterday.  So that’s working in my favor.”

“But coming back to work full time and being in the loop are two different things,” Benny guessed.

“Exactly.  I think by this weekend I’m going to have to give him something to do or he’s going to drive all of us crazy.”

“You can say that again,” Chunk agreed from the doorway. “Sorry, am I interrupting?  I can go.”

“Of course you’re not interrupting,” Marissa assured him. 

“How about we pick a relatively simple case, something that’s not going to cause him to stress out too much,” Benny suggested.

“Great plan, except he’ll see right through that,” Chunk snorted.  Benny and Marissa nodded in agreement.  “Okay, we let him pick one and hope for the best.”

“Over the weekend I’ll take some case files and we’ll go from there,” Marissa.  “How many times has he texted you two about work?”

“Only a few times,” both answered.  Marissa looked carefully at them for signs of lying.  She really didn’t see any and she was inclined to believe them. 

“Okay then, I’m going to get back to work trying to fix the Abbott mess.  Marissa why don’t you start the algorithms on the next two cases,” Benny said as he grabbed a can of soda from the fridge and a handful of M&Ms from the jar on the counter. 

“Works for me, I’ve had it with the Abbott mess,” Marissa said as she threw away her banana peel and wiped the counter off.

By 2:00 she had finished her algorithms, checked her messages as well as Bull’s.  She glanced at her cell phone once again, no texts or missed calls.  She wandered the office for a few minutes, ending up where she had so many times in the past week and a half, on Bull’s couch.

Concern for his well being won out over the need to create some distance and she sent a quick text.

 

_MM-Just checking in, how are you doing?_

She let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding when she saw him start to type a reply.

 

_JB-I’m fine._

_MM- Fine?  That’s not much of an answer Jason_

_JB-Tired, frustrated, bored.  And no I’m not being sarcastic, just honest._

_MM-I know you are. How was rehab?_

_JB-Good.  Did the treadmill and a few other things.  Didn’t feel as foolish today.  Guess I’m getting used to my new reality (again no sarcasm)_

_MM-Plans for this afternoon?_

_JB-I don’t know, baking maybe_

_MM-great, I’ll take brownies and zucchini bread_

_JB-I’ll see what I can do about that.  Dinner tomorrow?_

_MM-sounds great._

_JB-Chicken and stuffing?_

_MM-perfect.  I have to get back to work._

_JB-thanks for checking on me._

_MM- you’re welcome.  Happy baking._

_JB-thanks._

Marissa finished up her work and was out of the office a little after 5:00.  She went home to change and went out for a walk.  It was a beautiful night out and she enjoyed not having a destination or a plan.  When she got hungry, she grabbed a salad and an iced tea and headed for a nearby park.  She scrolled through Facebook on her phone, smiling when she saw Bull had tagged her in a picture he posted of a pan of brownies. 

She got home a little after 8:00, did a little reading for pleasure and went to bed, having not heard from Bull again. 

 

While Marissa was enjoying the fresh air, Bull was cleaning up his kitchen.  Baking had gone well but the efforts left him with a rather large mess.  For as long as he’d been cooking and baking, he’d yet to gain the habit of cleaning as he went along.  But he put on some music, made some tea and got it done.

He took a sleeping pill and settled into bed.  He thought about sending a “good night” text to Marissa but he didn’t want to bother her, and more importantly, he lacked the energy to go back out to the kitchen to grab his phone.


	4. Chapter 4

Day 4

Thursday

 

Bull was up with sun, which annoyed him just a bit as it was his first day home where he didn’t have any appointments.  He started the coffee maker and grabbed the newspaper from outside the front door, reading the headlines as he padded down the hallway to his office.  The morning sun was starting to shine through the blinds on the slider so he opened the blinds all the way, squinted a little at the brightness.  He tossed the newspaper on the coffee table and turned on the television.  While he waited for the coffee maker to beep he flicked through the channels.  When it beeped a minute later he headed down the hall.

By the time Bull had finished 2 cups of coffee he’d read most of the paper and gotten a good start on the crossword puzzle.  When the progress on the puzzle stalled he grabbed his cell phone.  He leaned back in the chair and put his feet on the desk.   It was a little before 7:00, just about the time he usually left for work and there he was, in his pajamas watching CNN.  He blew out a frustrated breath and opened up his text messages.

 

_JB-morning_

_MM-you’re up early_

_JB-tell me about it and I have absolutely nothing to do today_

_MM-not true, you have a chicken dinner to cook_

_JB-yeah and only 12 hours to do it_

_MM-did you sleep?_

_JB-Yeah, you at work already?_

_MM-almost, just enjoying your beautiful car_

_JB-you know I will be taking that back when I’m no longer being held hostage in my own home_

_MM-you’re not being held hostage in your own home,  you’re free to go almost anywhere you want_

_JB-almost but not quite.  So when can I get a case file, or two?_

_MM-I’ll bring something tonight_

_JB-Really?  Sarcasm’s a bit hard to pick up through a text._

_MM-Really._

_JB-thanks._

_MM-you’re welcome, I’ll be there about 6:30_

 

Bull tossed his phone onto the desk and changed the channel to 4 to catch the opening of the TODAY show.  He watched while he paced around the room for a few minutes.  The thought of getting to actually read a case file or two brightened his mood a bit as he headed to the kitchen to make something for breakfast.

By 8:00 he’d finished a bowl of oatmeal, cleaned up the kitchen and finished the crossword puzzle.   He started to make a shopping list of a few things he needed for dinner.

 

_JB-Broccoli or zucchini?_

_MM-broccoli_

_JB-how many files?_

_MM-2 or 3, depends_

_JB-on what?_

_MM-how many times you ask me_

_JB-okay then, I’m going to the store._

_MM-walking?_

_JB-I am now_

_MM-see you later_

 

Bull threw on some shorts and his sneakers before heading out to pick up the few things on his list, including broccoli.  It was a beautiful morning, it had rained the night before and everything smelled fresh and clean, or at least as fresh and clean as things could ever smell in Manhattan.  He circled the block for exercise, doing a little people watching as he did.  It felt like it had been weeks since he used any sort of observational skills he was known for.  He eventually ended up sitting at an outdoor café with a cup of coffee and a corn muffin.  His people watching entertained him for well over an hour and was ready to head for the store just about 11:00.

 

_JB- hypothetically if we were to try frozen yogurt would you want vanilla or chocolate?_

_MM-you’re really asking me that, do you not know me at all??_

_JB-chocolate it is_

_MM-good boy_

 

Bull smiled as he put his phone in his pocket and headed back around the corner to the store.

 

He spent the day cooking and cleaning up.  It was surprising just how much of a mess he was capable of making when he spent more than 3 waking hours at home.  He wanted dinner to be nice, it was the first time Marissa had been over since the weekend.  Sure, they’d talked a bit and texted more than a bit but other than lunch, he hadn’t seen her.  And in their world, that was just odd.

At 4:00 he found himself out on the balcony, lost in his thoughts.  This was certainly the point of the day where two weeks ago a drink would be involved.  He had a drink but somehow Diet Coke just wasn’t quite the same.  He stared out at the city, rush hour was just starting and the flow of traffic was slowing down as it did every weeknight.  He had no idea how he was going to make it through another 10 days at home.  Things had been bearable so far, but he’d had appointments each day.  This was the first day he’d truly been alone.  He scrubbed his hand over his chin and decided he was about a day or two past  nicely scruffy so he headed back inside to take a quick shower and trim his beard a bit.  The shower would also serve to kill a little time.

 

By 5:30 he was pacing around the apartment, feeling nervous for reasons he couldn’t quite pinpoint.  He’d spent more time picking out what to wear than he cared to admit, finally deciding on his favorite well worn jeans and a gray button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up.  He hadn’t bothered with shoes.  He checked the kitchen again, chicken and stuffing were in the oven, broccoli was waiting to be steamed, rolls were on the tray and brownies were waiting on the counter.   The table was set with his seldom used matching cloth napkins and placemats. Out of sheer habit he grabbed wine glasses out of the cabinet and set them on the table. He laughed about it and left them on the table, they could use them for water.

By 6:25 he was wearing a path from the kitchen to the office and back again.  He heard the turn of her key in the door at 6:35 and he took a calming breath before heading to met her.

“Hi,” they both said at the same time with similar “gooey” looks on both their faces as Marissa came into the foyer.  She dropped her bag on the bench and gave him a big hug.

“I missed you,” he whispered in her ear as he hugged her back and lifted her off the ground a little.

“You saw me two days ago,” Marissa pointed out as she kissed his cheek.  “And I missed you too,” she admitted as she stepped out of his embrace and gave him a quick “once over”.  He looked rested and quite adorable but she could see something in his eyes that made her think something was a little off.  But she brushed her feelings aside, she’d been there all of a minute and a half, they had a whole evening ahead of them.

“I’m just going to change, I’ll be right out,” she said as she headed for the bathroom. “Dinner smells amazing,” she announced as she came into the kitchen with her bag a few minutes later. She’d changed into leggings and an oversize shirt he recognized as one of his own.  She set a bottle on the counter and Bull gave her a look.  “Sparkling cider,” she said with a grin.  He opened the bottle and poured it into the glasses he’d set out by accident.  “You need any help?”

“There’s a plate of raw vegetables and a container of hummus in the fridge, you can grab that.  And then have a seat and relax.”

“I can do that,” she said as she headed for the fridge.

Bull took out the chicken and put the rolls in the oven while Marissa told him some tales from the office.  More personal things about the staff, not much about the cases.  And he was fine with that…for the moment.

They talked about everything big and small over dinner.  It felt good to just relax and chat about whatever came to mind.  They were used to spending so much time together, talking many times throughout the day, both about work and about the most random of things. 

Marissa totally enjoyed the home-cooked meal.  And she also enjoyed being waited on, Jason wouldn’t let her help at all.

“You ready for dessert now or do you want to wait a while?” he asked as she put the last of the dinner dishes in the dishwasher.

“I’m not sure where I’d put another bite,” Marissa said with a laugh. “Definitely wait a while. You want to go outside for a bit, it’s a beautiful night out.”

“Perfect, bring the bottle of cider and I’ll meet you outside,” he said as he headed for the bathroom.

Marissa headed outside, she pulled one of the lounge chairs out of the corner and was about to move the other one when she stopped and thought realistically, they were both going to end up sharing one chair in a matter of minutes.  She stretched out the length of the lounger and waited for Bull to come out. 

“One chair,” he teased as he came out.”

“Just being realistic,” she teased.

He sat down on the end of the chair, sitting crossed legged, facing Marissa as she pulled her knees up to give him room.

“Dinner was lovely, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.  It was nice to feel useful for a change,” Bull said with just a little trace of something in his voice, self pity, sadness, Marissa wasn’t quite sure.  She’d noticed the same little something during dinner and decided she was finished ignoring it.

She scooted forward a little bit and reached out to tip his chin up a little to look him in the eye.  “Everything okay?” she asked as he finally looked up enough to meet her gaze.  She got the fully expected and equally annoying shrug of his shoulders.  “That’s not exactly an answer, Jason,” she said quietly.

“I know,” he whispered as he took a deep breath and leaned forward a bit, resting his elbows on his knees and dropping his head down.  Marissa leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the top of his head.  Bull lifted his head up again and motioned for her to scoot back a bit to give him room to stretch out.

“This is why I only moved one chair,” she teased as she wrapped her arms around him and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“I know,” he laughed as he put his head on her shoulder.  Marissa nudged him a little, letting him know it was time for him to start talking.

“I don’t know.  This whole heart attack things is still so unreal.  I know physically I’m recovering as expected, my strength is coming back.  I can almost make it through a day without a nap. But, emotionally, I’m not so sure,” he said quietly.

“And with 3 PhDs that’s actually driving you a little nuts?” Marissa guessed.

“Probably more than a little,” he chuckled.  “I know it’s perfectly normally to feel depressed, sad, scared. But….”

“But you thought that being the usually confident, in charge, larger than life Jason Bull you would be immune to these feelings?”

“Something like that,” he admitted.  “But I’m not, and it’s becoming clearer as the days go by.  I’m sure some of it is sheer boredom but if I’m being honest with myself that’s not the whole reason.”

“Well, the fact that you’re being honest with yourself is a start.  It hasn’t always been your strong suit,” Marissa pointed out, figuring honesty was certainly needed in the current conversation.

“Not at all,” he agreed.  “I just feel lost, scared, not in control.  Facing mortality at 49, not so fun.”

“Any thoughts on what you want to do about it?” she asked.   She certainly had her own opinion but wanted to see where his thoughts were.

“Well, it’s been a while since I’ve been in therapy, maybe it’s time to go back.  If things don’t magically get better when I get back to work, maybe it’s time to try medication.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” Marissa whispered as she rubbed his back.

“No, it wouldn’t be.”

“Well, until you decide on either of those things, you know I’m here to listen.”

“I know and that’s one of things that makes you amazing,” Bull sighed as he took off his glasses and closed his eyes.  It took about 5 minutes for him to fall asleep.

“You’re pretty amazing too, Jason,” Marissa whispered as she watched him sleep.  She was a little surprised how much he was willing to admit without her having to pry anything out of him as she usually did.  She wasn’t quite sure if that made her feel better or worse about things.  She contemplated that and a few other things as he slept.

Eventually she realized it was probably getting rather late.  She didn’t have her phone and neither of them had a watch on, so she reached down to grab his phone out of his back pocket.

“Groping me in my sleep,” he teased as she pulled out the phone.

“In your dreams,” she teased right back.  She clicked the phone on, it was almost 10.

“Time for bed?” he asked as he sat up and wiped his eyes.

“It is for me, but you’re a grown boy, you can decide when to go to bed.  Guess I’ll take a raincheck on the frozen yogurt.  But I’ll take my brownies to go,” she announced as she stood up.

They gathered up the glasses and headed inside.  Marissa sent him to put on his pajamas as she washed the few things left in the sink and packed up some of the abundant leftovers to take with her.

Bull met her out in the foyer where she was putting her tote on the bench. 

“Forgetting something?” he asked as he effectively blocked the front door.  He held out his hand towards her.

I actually took Marissa a few seconds to realized what he was referring to.  With a smile she pulled out 3 files from her bag and handed them to him.

“I assume those are the most boring bases we have right now?”

“Nope.  Well, two are probably a little boring but the Blake one looks interesting.  Take a look and talk Benny and I tomorrow.”

“In the office?” he asked hopefully.

“Conference call,” she said with a little smirk. 

He gave a little nod in agreement and placed his hand over his heart.  A gesture which always made her smile.

“Thank you for dinner.  And for opening up a little.  Talk to you tomorrow,” she said as she pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“You’re welcome and as always thank you for listening.  And for these,” he said waving the files a little.  He kissed her forehead and gave a little wink as he opened the front door.  “Car’s waiting.”

Marissa returned the wink and gave a little wave.

Bull headed for the office and opened up the files.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Day 5

Friday

12:00 PM

“No word from Bull?” Benny asked for the fourth time in a little under an hour.  He leaned against the door jamb, waiting for an answer.

“Nope,” Marissa answered after she took a look at her phone again.

“You think that’s little odd?” Benny asked as he entered Bull’s office and wandered around for a minute. 

Marissa thought for a few seconds.  “Maybe, maybe not.  He had cardiac rehab this morning at 9:00 for an hour or so.  Probably stopped for coffee or something,” she muttered.  Benny just eyed her warily. “Yes, it’s odd.  I gave him 3 files last night, it’s noon and we’ve heard nothing.”

“Worried?”

“Honestly, a little,” Marissa sighed.

“Something you’re not telling me?” Benny asked as he finally stopped pacing and took a seat on the window ledge.

Marissa took a deep breath and tried to decide if she should share the conversation she’d had with Bull the night before.  Her contemplation was disrupted by her ringing phone.  She and Benny both reached for it at the same time.  It was Bull.

“Hey Jason,” Marissa said as she smiled broadly.  Benny gave her a smile at her use of Bull’s first name.  It wasn’t something he heard her use very often.

“Hey yourself.”

“How was rehab?”

“Fine, annoying as usual. Are you alone?” he asked.

“Benny’s here, can I put you on speaker?”

“Fine,” Bull answered without as much enthusiasm as Marissa and Benny had expected.

“Hey boss,” Benny said with an overly cheer voice.

“Hey Benny.  How’s things?”

“Good, a little quiet without you, to be honest,” Benny answered.  His comment didn’t get much of a reaction from Bull, leading Benny to give a questioning look to Marissa across the table.  She just shrugged her shoulders, giving away nothing.  “So, you want to talk about the cases?” Benny asked.

“Sure thing,” Bull agreed, sounding just a bit more like himself.

They talked for well over an hour, Chunk getting in on the conversation as well.  Marissa took notes on a legal pad while Benny kept the conversation moving along.  It was good for all of them to work together, even if one of them was only there via a cellphone speaker.

As the conversation regarding the Blake case wound down, Marissa said her goodbye and left the guys to talk a bit amongst themselves.  She headed for the kitchen and some lunch.

Chunk wandered into the kitchen half an hour later, finding Marissa eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and watching CNN.

“Here,” he said as he tossed her phone onto the counter next to her.

“Thanks,” she said as she reached for a napkin.

“Fancy lunch,” he teased, motioning towards her sandwich.

“Reliving my childhood,” she smirked.

Chunk headed for the fridge, taking a quick look before grabbing a turkey sandwich.  He took a seat across from Marissa and she knew what was coming next.

“You’re worried about him, aren’t you?” Chunk asked as he reached for a napkin.  Marissa just nodded as she had a mouthful of sandwich.  “Sounds depressed if you ask me,” Chunk continued as it didn’t seem like Marissa was about to start talking.  “Has he talked to you?”

“A little last night.  I’m trying not to freak out.  Hoping I can give him a little space to work things out.  He’s at least aware that he’s struggling, which for him is a step in the right direction.”

“True.  But as long as he’s willing to talk to you I don’t think we need to freak out yet.  You going to spend some time with him this weekend?”

“I don’t know, probably.  We haven’t made plans or anything.  I have a thing tonight with friends.  Maybe I should cancel, I don’t know.”

“Don’t cancel.  How about Benny and I offer to go visit him tonight, we’ll take dinner and hang out.”

“I’m sure he’d like that. But no liquor and don’t let him eat half a pizza.”

“Yes, mom,” Chunk smirked.

****

With Benny and Chunk entertaining Bull for the evening, Marissa went out with friends, keeping plans she’d made a week earlier.  She enjoyed herself, a break from worrying was what she needed. She got home a little after midnight and a few drinks past sober.

She was half asleep at 12:45 when she heard her text alert chime.

 

_JB-thanks for sending the guys over.  It felt almost normal.  Would have felt more normal if there was beer involved._

_MM-but you survived._

_JB- I did.  Substituted brownies for the beer.  Guys wouldn’t try the frozen yogurt._

_MM-Didn’t think they would_

_JB-how was your night?_

_MM-nice and yes there was liquor involved._

_JB-good for you.  Hang out tomorrow?_

_MM-sure, I’ll text you when I get up._

_JB-sounds good, drink some water and take Advil before you go to sleep_

_MM-I will.  See you tomorrow_

Marissa staggered a bit to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water and two Advil.  She took them with a little laugh, “drink water and take Advil” was what she always told Bull after he’d had a few too many.


	6. Chapter 6

Day 6

Saturday

 

Marissa woke to the sun streaming in the window.  Apparently she hadn’t thought to pull the shade down when she stumbled into bed the night before.  She pulled her phone out from under her pillow expecting it to well after 9:00.

Not at all, it was a little after 7:30.

She rolled onto her back and rubbed at her eyes a bit, trying fully come to her senses and decide how much of a hangover she was going to deal with.

Five minutes later and much to her surprise she got out of bed without a problem and went to make coffee.  As the coffee maker gurgled to life she scrolled through Facebook on her phone.  There was a post by Bull from 10 minutes earlier so she opened up her text messages.

_MM-You’re up early_

_JB-ESP?_

_MM-don’t I wish.  No saw the stupid meme you just posted._

_JB-ah_

_MM-Did you sleep_

_JB-not really.  Don’t feel so good_

 

Marissa started to type a response when she realized that was a little ridiculous.  She hit CALL.

“That didn’t take long,” he said quietly.

The sound of his voice let Marissa know she’d made the right decision to call.

“Define what you mean by, don’t feel so good.  And good morning.” Marissa said as she walked down the hall towards her bedroom to pull out some clothes.  She had a feeling she’d be leaving rather soon.

“I don’t know, tired, vaguely nauseous and a little dizzy.”

“Did you eat anything?

“Half a piece of toast and some tea.”

“I’ll shower and come over in about an hour, unless you need me to jump in a cab now,” Marissa offered.

“You can certainly shower, I’m not dying,” Bull said, instantly regretting his choice of words.

“I’m just going to ignore that.  Do you need anything?  Ginger ale, saltines.”

“No, I don’t need anything, thanks for coming over.  Bring the files I know you brought home.”

“Maybe.  See you soon.”

 

Marissa was showered, dressed and ready to go in well under an hour.  She packed a bag and grabbed her work tote, which contained a handful of files she may or may not decide to share with Bull later.  Traffic was light, tourists hadn’t yet started their early morning descent onto the city.

Mark waved her through to the elevator with a smile when she entered Bull’s building. 

“Jason?” she called out as she opened his front door, dropping her tote on the bench and slipping off her sneakers.  When she didn’t get an answer from him she starting looking, eventually finding him curled up on the couch in his office.  He stirred as she came into the room.

“Hey,” he whispered as he started to sit up before quickly realizing that wasn’t the best idea.  He put his head back down on the pillow as Marissa took a seat on the coffee table in front of him.

“You look like crap,” she teased as she brushed back his hopelessly out of control hair and pressed her hand to his forehead.

“You always did know how to charm a man, Riss,” he teased right back.

“Cute.  You’re little warm and rather pale.  Still nauseous?”

“A little.”

“Well, let’s start with the thermometer and some ginger ale.  Thermometer in your bathroom?”

“Yeah, medicine cabinet.  And I think you can find the ginger ale on your own.”

Marissa found the thermometer behind a bottle of antacid.  She rinsed it off, not knowing when the last time it was even used.  She made a quick stop at the kitchen for a can of ginger ale and a Tupperware bowl, just in case. 

“Open up,” she announced as she waved the thermometer in his direction.  He did as he was told as she stuck the thermometer in his mouth.  “And I have a minute of peace and quiet,” she teased.  He rolled his eyes a little.

Marissa opened the slider a little to let in some light and fresh air.   When the thermometer beeped Bull took it out and squinted at it, unable to read it without his glasses on.  He gave up and handed it to Marissa.

“100.1.  You want to try some Advil?”

“Yeah, I guess,” he sighed as he levered himself up a little so he could drink some of the soda without spilling it down the front of his shirt.  He took a few sips while Marissa went back to the bathroom for Advil.  She grabbed the pillow off his bed and his glasses she spotted on his nightstand.

He took the pills without a word and gratefully took the pillow she handed him.  Marissa motioned for him to scoot over a little so she could sit on the end of the couch.  Bull tossed his pillow in her lap and curled up.  “What can I do for you?” she asked as she brushed back his hair a bit.

“Just what you’re doing,” he said with a little smile.

Marissa smiled back as he closed his eyes.  She flicked through the channels, ending up as usual on TLC, watching an episode of Fixer Upper. 

When the episode ended Bull was fast asleep so Marissa snuck off the couch to grab the files she’d brought with her and to put some water on for tea.  As she picked a teabag out of the basket on the counter she heard him make a dash for the bathroom in the hall outside his office.

She grabbed a bottle of water and headed down the hall.  He’d left the door open a bit and she snuck in and knelt next to him, rubbing his back as he got sick.  He’d eaten next to nothing so it turned to dry heaves rather quickly.  Marissa whispered some semi encouraging words as she wet a washcloth with cool water and put it on the back of his neck.

Eventually he felt safe enough to lift his head up.  Marissa reached around and flushed before handing him the water.  “Rinse and spit,” she said as she tossed the washcloth in the sink.  “Ready to go back to the office?”

“Give me a few minutes,” he whispered as he moved back a little to sit cross legged on the floor, leaning his head back against the wall.  He took a few deep breaths.  “Can you grab my toothbrush?”

“Sure, you need a clean shirt?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

Marissa eyed him for a few seconds deciding if she felt safe leaving him alone at all.  He was starting to get a little color back in his cheeks and he gave her a weak smile.

She grabbed the toothbrush, toothpaste and a clean shirt from the pile of clean laundry she found on the chair in his room.

Ten minutes later he’d managed to brush his teeth and change his shirt before heading back to the couch.  Marissa sat down on the coffee table and rubbed his back until he fell back to sleep.  She sat at his desk reading the files as he slept restlessly.

When her interest in the files waned, she went into the kitchen for something to eat.  She’d left her place rather quickly and hadn’t eaten breakfast.  She opened the fridge and smiled at the wide array of healthy food in there.  She grabbed a container of yogurt and wandered around while she ate.  Much to her surprise, even after he’d been home for a week, the place was not a complete disaster.  But since there was a pile of clean laundry in his room she was also pretty sure his cleaning lady had been there the day before.

She checked on Bull who was still sound asleep.  A quick kiss to his forehead let her know he was still a little warm.  She couldn’t help but wonder at what point do they make a call to the doctor, after all he was only two weeks out from a heart attack.

Back in the kitchen Marissa dumped the water from her mug as she never got around to making tea earlier.  She turned the burner back on to try again.  While she waited for the water to boil she glanced at the headlines on the newspaper she’d brought in with her.  She heard Bull go into the bathroom again and she went down the hall with a little prayer.

“Jason, you okay, need help?” she asked as she knocked softly.

“Not since I was 3,” he called back.

Marissa breathed a little sigh of relief and headed back to the kitchen as the kettle was starting to whistle.  Bull appeared a minute later, dropping wearily onto one of the stools at the island.  She walked over to him, giving him a sad smile and pulling him into a big hug.  

“Thanks for being here,” he whispered as he dropped his chin onto her shoulder, making no effort to leave her embrace.

“You are very welcome,” she assured him as she rubbed his back for a minute.

He eventually sat up and rubbed a hand over his face. 

“Feel any better?” Marissa asked as she went to grab her tea. 

“I little, I think.  Don’t feel like puking anymore so that’s an improvement,” he said with a little chuckle.

“Tea?”

“Sure, I’ll try some,” he said with a smile.

Marissa poured the water and pulled a tea bag from the basket as he glanced at the newspaper.  Without glasses it didn’t go well. Marissa put the tea in front of him and went to grab his glasses from the office.

They both settled down at the island with their tea and the newspaper.  As usual the crossword puzzle came out and for once Bull let Marissa write in the answers.

“Now I know you really don’t feel well.  You let me write and I got more clues than you,” she teased as she nudged Bull with her shoulder as their progress slowed down just a bit.

“Yeah, yeah,” he muttered as he slid off the stool and put his mug in the sink.  He opened a few cabinets, the fridge and the freezer as Marissa watched with slight amusement. 

“Are you hungry?” she finally asked as he came out of the pantry empty handed.

“I don’t know what I feel at the moment, physically, emotionally, whatever,” he sighed as he hopped up to sit on the counter, a habit he’d had since he was a child.

Marissa crossed the room and stood between his knees, motioning for him to lean over a little.  She pressed a quick kiss to his forehead, gauging his fever.

“Still warm.”

“Well, it’s not like the Advil had enough time to do anything,” he smirked.

“True.  Let’s try it again,” she replied as she turned to grab the pills out of the bathroom.

“Maybe a shower will help,” he muttered as he slid off the counter after taking the Advil.  He took half a step and reached for Marissa’s hand to steady himself a bit.  A few deep breaths and he felt comfortable enough to head for the shower.

Marissa opened up the freezer to see if they was anything in there for dinner that he might be able to stomach.  She didn’t really find anything that might work but there were plenty of eggs in the fridge and oatmeal in the pantry if he decided he was hungry.

****

Bull had perked up a bit after the shower but ended up back on the couch when his efforts to eat something didn’t quite go so well.  Marissa got him a cool, damp cloth for his forehead and another can of ginger ale.

“So at what point do we call the doctor?” Marissa asked, really starting to get rather worried.

“When I can’t even keep down the soda,” Jason answered quickly enough to let Marissa know that thought had also crossed his mind in the past hour or so.

“Deal.”

The afternoon passed by slowly.  Bull managed to keep down the ginger ale and some crackers so Marissa was less worried but was still sticking close to him for the time being.

Around 2:30 he’d fallen back to sleep and Mariss curled up in the recliner with her book. It managed to keep her attention for an hour or so, during which Bull slept more or less peacefully. 

Eventually Marissa needed to make a decision, get up and move or toss the book aside and fall asleep herself.  She chose to get up. 

She had a snack and wandered out onto the balcony with a bottle of iced tea and her book.  The slider door was open so she could hear Bull if he called her. 

A little before 4:00 Bull woke up and looked around trying to get a little sense of time and space.  He saw Marissa out on the balcony so he stood up carefully and headed outside. 

“Hey,” Marissa said as she saw him come through the door.  “You look almost human,” she said as she moved her legs, giving him room to sit down.

“Feel almost human, I think,” he said as he sat down and ran his hand through his hair.

“Good,” she said as she pressed her hand to his forehead and then ruffled his hair a bit.  “Much cooler,  and you need a haircut,” Marissa pointed out as she tried to smooth his hair down a bit.

“I’ll get it done this week.  I think I have some free time in my schedule,” he said with a little edge to his voice.”

“Jason,” she said with just enough of a warning to let him know she wasn’t really in the mood to let him take part in another pity party.

“I’ll do that and call the employment agency on Monday after rehab,” he said quietly as he leaned over with his elbows on his knees.  Marissa let him wallow for a minute as she rubbed his back.

“So you never told me how last night was,” she said.

“Booze free,” he said with a chuckle. “But great to see them.  I miss everyone.”

“I know you do.  Another week and you’ll be back with us.”

“Riss, do you think I really believe you’re just let me come back, full time, full speed.  I’m not an idiot.”

“Well Jason, you are correct about that.  We’ll have a few rules for when you come back.”

“Rules?” he asked.  “I’m a grown man.”

“Who worked himself into a heart attack,” she said, tempering her words as she reached to grab his hand.

“Can’t argue with that.  So theses rules,” he said as he squeezed her hand before standing up and starting to pace around a little.

“Nothing crazy, 9-5 days.  You eat actual meals, rest for a little while after lunch.  Try not to get too worked up about things. Oh and listen to me.”

Bull turned and leaned against the railing, thinking about her “rules”.

“Well, I usually do that last one,” he teased.  “And I can live with the other ones.”

“Probably longer,” she teased beating him to the comment.  She got up off the lounge chair and crossed the balcony to stand in front of him.  He put his hands on her shoulders and kissed her forehead.

“You are too good to me,” he whispered as he pulled her into an embrace.

“Yes, I am,” she said with laugh as she hugged him back.

****

By 7:00 Bull had been wandering around for the better part of an hour, essentially driving Marissa mad.  She took cover in the office, working at his desk.  So far he hadn’t bothered her about the files she was working on.  Her highlighter decided to dry out so she opened his desk drawers hunting for another one.

“Jason,” she called out.

“What?” he called as he headed for the office.

“I hope to God these are old,” she said as she waved a pack of cigarettes at him.

“Yes, Riss, they are old.  Probably been in there 3 months.  You know it’s not something I do with any regularity.”

“I know and it’s usually when you drink.”  She crushed them in her hand and tossed them in the trashcan. “Sorry, I overreacted.”

“Don’t worry about it.  It was perfectly understandable.  How about something to eat?”

“Actual food?” Marissa asked.  Bull just nodded. She linked her arm through his and led them towards the kitchen.

“Sit, I’ll cook,” she said as she motioned towards a stool.  He looked at her warily but sat down.  “Drink?”

“Iced tea.”

She handed him a bottle of iced tea.  While he worked to finish the crossword puzzle she made a couple of grilled cheese sandwiches.

He managed to eat most of the sandwich before getting the feeling he was pressing his luck with solid food.

He headed for the office to read the case files Marissa had left in there.  She joined him after cleaning up in the kitchen.  They chatted about the cases and work in general for a little while.

By 9:30 he was sitting on his bed in his pajamas, contemplating what to do.  He was a little tired but his sleep schedule had been completely thrown off by the events of the day.  Marissa found him sitting in the dark staring out the window.

“Hey,” she whispered as she leaned in the doorway.

“Hey, how’s Mom?” Bull asked, knowing she was on the phone to her mom when he went to change.

“Seemed to be having a good day, thanks for asking,” she said with a smile.  “You going to sleep now?”

“I don’t know,” he sighed.  “You can come in the room, you know,” he said with a smirk as she was still leaning against the door jamb.

“Let me change and I’ll be right back.  You need anything?”

“Water and my phone, I think it’s on the counter in the kitchen.”

Marissa changed in the guest room and found her book in the office.  She grabbed Bull’s cell and two bottles of water out of the kitchen before heading for his room.  Surprisingly, she wasn’t really feeling awkward and she wasn’t sure how she felt about that.

Bull was reading when she got back.  He was under the covers and had pushed the covers on the other side of the bed back.  Marissa handed him the water and looked at the empty side of the bed warily.

“Riss, I’ve spent the day either sleeping or puking, what do you think is going to happen?” he said with a little grin.

“Same thing as always….nothing,” she said with a grin of her own.  She climbed in next to him and opened up her book.

They read in silence for a while.  Bull eventually tossed aside his book when the words started swimming on the page.  He took off his glasses and rubbed at his eyes.

“You okay?” Marissa asked as she put her own book on the nightstand. 

“Headache,” he muttered as he scooted down a little, leaning back against the headboard and letting his eyes slide closed.  She pressed her hand against his forehead.  He was relatively cool.  She got him some Advil and turned out the lights, hoping he would just fall back to sleep.

Luck was not on her side.

“Jason, how about a sleeping pill,” she offered an hour later when he showed no sign of settling down.  He agreed with a nod and waved Marissa off when she tried to get it for him.  He took the pill and used the bathroom before returning to his room. Marissa as sitting back against the headboard, his pillow in her lap.  Bull took her up on the offer and curled up on his side; with his head in her lap.  She brushed back his hair and rubbed his back, eventually feeling him start to relax. 

Marissa woke with a start some time later.  Bull had migrated back to the other side of the bed and was sound asleep, snoring softly.  Marissa leaned over him to glance the clock on the nightstand.  It was almost 2 AM.  She pressed a kiss to his forehead and went to spend the rest of the night in the guest room.

  



	7. Chapter 7

Day 7

Sunday

 

Marissa woke up to the sun streaming in the guest room, the smell of coffee and the sound of Bull singing Broadway showtunes in the kitchen.  All three of which brought a big smile to her face.

She ran a hand through her hair and pulled it back in a ponytail before heading for the kitchen.  She stood unnoticed while Bull finished “Bring Him Home” from Les Misérables and moved on to “I’ve Never Been in Love Before,” from Guys and Dolls. He stopped mid stanza and turned to face her with a big grin on her face. “You going to say something or just stand there enjoying the show?” he teased.

“You don’t sing enough,” she said as she grabbed a mug and poured herself some coffee.

“I sing plenty, just not in front of other people.”

“I take it you’re feeling better,” she said as she paced around a little.

“Physically, yes.  Everything else, not so sure,” he said honestly as he leaned against the counter with his own coffee. 

“That’ll come, give it time, Jason.”

“I’m trying Riss, I’m trying,” he sighed.

“I know you are.  Plans for today?” she asked.

“Not really.  You?”

“I have some errands to do and I have dinner plans with a friend later.”

“Male friend?” he teased with a wink.

“No, friend from college, but thanks for looking out for my love life.”

“You have a love life?” he teased.

“Not really.  And by the way, buddy, neither do you,” she helpfully pointed out.  He tried to look wounded but it was the truth.

“I think a love life is the last thing I need at the moment,” he said honestly.

“I kind of feel the same way,” Marissa whispered as she put her mug on the counter and stood next to him, mirroring his position.  Bull leaned over a little and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

They stayed that way for a few minutes, both lost in their own thoughts.

“You hungry?” Bull eventually asked as he pushed himself away from the counter.

“Yeah,” Marissa answered as she heard her text alert go off on her phone.  She grabbed it off the counter.  “From Cable,” she said, answering Bull’s questioning look.  “Wants to know how you’re doing.”  Marissa sent a quick text back to her.  “Have you talked to her?”

“Texted her once or twice.  About things I wasn’t supposed to. So no, haven’t really talked to her,” Bull admitted.

“Text her.  She’d love to hear from you.”

“Yeah, sounds like a plan.  So, breakfast?”

“Sounds good.”

They ate out on the balcony.  Bull texted Cable and made plans to meet her for lunch.

 

By 11:00, Marissa was on her way home and Bull was getting ready to meet Cable.

 

****

10:00 PM

 

_MM-How was lunch?_

_JB-Very nice.  It was great to see Cable.  And no we didn’t talk about work…too much._

_MM-How are you feeling?”_

_JB-Pretty good.  Managed to eat three meals and not puke._

_MM-Well, that’s progress._

_JB-Yep.  I’ll call the employment agency tomorrow._

_MM-and get a haircut_

_JB-and get a haircut_

_MM-sleep well_

_JB-you too.  Thanks for yesterday._

_MM-You’re welcome.  I’ll talk to you tomorrow._


	8. Chapter 8

Day 8

Monday

 

By the time Bull got home after going to rehab, getting a haircut, grabbing something to eat and meeting with someone at the employment agency he was, annoyingly but not surprisingly, ready for a nap.

 

_JB-Did everything on my list.  Now I need a nap.  I hate this_

_MM-Good and I know.  Call me later.  Cable can’t stop talking about seeing you yesterday.  You made her day._

_JB-and she made mine.  Talk to you later._

******

Marissa was sitting, as usual, in Bull’s office when Chunk wandered in.  It was almost 3:30 and the day was going very smoothly, for a Monday.  “Witness prep for the Blake case is going well,” he said as he fidgeted with a few books on the bookshelf. 

“Good.  So  Bull’s working on hiring himself an assistant,” she said, just throwing that out there as she had not yet mentioned anything about the conversations she and Bull had had the previous weekend.  She looked at Chunk’s face for a reaction.

“Really?” Chunk replied as he sat down on the opposite end of the couch from Marissa.

“That’s your only comment?” she asked.  It was not the reaction she was expecting.

“Honestly?” he asked.  Marissa just nodded. “It’s about time.  You two need boundaries, or more importantly he needs to have better boundaries.”

“Yeah.  We’ve at an awkward place right now,” she said with a sigh.  Chunk just raised his eyebrows at her. “No, nothing like that.  We’re co-workers, best friends.  But before his heart attack I was on the verge of leaving TAC.”  Chunk started to speak but Marissa put her hand up to stop him.  “I was feeling smothered, TAC is just all too consuming.  I’ve lost a part of me.  Jason and I had a long talk, the day after he came home from the hospital.  We got a lot of things out in the open, we talked, we cried, he almost puked.  We came to some kind of agreement.  The first thing I asked for was boundaries. The second thing I asked for was for him to hire someone to do the stuff I’m way too over qualified to do.”  Marissa stopped and took a deep breath, reaching for her bottle of water.  She hadn’t quite planned on spitting that much out all at once, but felt kind of relieved that it had just come out.

“Wow,” Chunk said. “I’m not sure what to say.  If I say I’m proud of you, is that out of line?”

“Not at all,” Marissa said, as she wiped away a few tears that threatened to fall.  “Obviously his heart attack factors into all of this.  But my decision not to quit did happen before it, about 12 hours before it, but before nonetheless.  So some things will change around here.  But like I said, we’re friends, best friends and that part of our relationship just works.  I wouldn’t change that for anything.  I know Jason feels the same way.”  Chunk just smiled as her use of Bull’s first name, just like Benny usually did.

“At least you’re on the same page, sort of. I’m sure you’ll be able to work things out.” Chunk said as he reached over to give her hand a quick squeeze.  “By the way, Bull didn’t mention any of this on Friday night.”

“I didn’t think he would, he was just happy to see you guys.”

“Do you think he’ll be ready to come back on Monday?”

“At least part time.  We went over some “rules”.  You can imagine there was considerable whining on his part but he does agree with them.  I’m sure he’ll be here some time this week.  Going to have to let him interview assistants here.”

“We’ll all be looking out for him,” Chunk said with a smile. 

“I know, it’ll drive him nuts but he’ll just have to live with it,” she said with a sigh.  She pushed herself up off the couch and paced around the room for a minute.

“Something else?” Chunk asked.

“Worried his depression won’t magically disappear when he gets back here and worried he thinks it will.”

“Yeah for all the education the big guy has, he tends not to use it in his own life.”

“Exactly.”

“You going to see him tonight?” Chunk asked as Danny appeared in the doorway looking for him.  Marissa just shook her head and motioned for him to go with Danny as it looked like she had something rather important to talk about.

Marissa grabbed a cup of coffee and went to her office to wrap things up for the day.

********

Bull woke up a little before 5:00, having slept much longer that he had planned.  He wandered out of the office and to the kitchen for a drink and to find something to make for dinner.  He checked his phone, no missed calls or texts from anyone.  Which made him feel just a bit left out.

He put a pot of water on for the favorite meal of children and college students alike, Kraft Mac and Cheese.   While he waited for the water to boil he called Marissa.

“Hey, Bull,” she said as she sat down on the couch and propped her feet up on the coffee table.  She’d been home for a few minutes and she was enjoying a glass of wine. 

“Hey yourself.  How was your day?”

“It was surprisingly good, for a Monday.  Chunk got the Blake witnesses prepped.”

“Good.  I met with the employment agency, they should have some candidates in a day or two.  So when I interview them, can I do it in my office?”

“Of course you can.  So how was the rest of your day?”

“It was fine.  Hair looks good.  Fell asleep for way too long.  Making mac and cheese for dinner.  Another fun filled day in the life of Dr. Jason Bull,” he said with the edge to his voice Marissa had come to expect over the past week or so.

“Plans for tomorrow?” she asked, ignoring the edge.

“Not really.  Maybe I’ll get outside for a while.”

“Sounds good, we could meet for coffee or lunch,” Marissa offered.

“I’d like that.  I’d really like to come to the office for lunch.  I forget what it looks like,” he teased.

“How about we do that Wednesday, you’ll probably have some interviews.  I might even let you spend half a day there,” Marissa offered.

“I guess that’s the best I’m going to get, so I can live with that,” he replied simply.

“I have to tell you something.”

“What’s that?” Bull asked.

“I had a chat with Chunk today, about the conversation we had after you read the letter.  I didn’t really mean for it to come out, it just sort of did.  Forgive me?”

“Nothing to forgive.  People were going to figure out something was up sooner or later. What did he say?”

“That he understood how both of us feel.  And he hopes we can work things out.”

“Me too, Riss,” Bull said quietly as he dumped the pasta into the boiling water and gave it a quick stir.

“I know Jason, I know,” Marissa said quietly. 

“Plans for tonight?” Bull asked.

“Probably some reading and going to bed early for me.”

“That actually sounds nice, although I don’t think I’ll be in bed early after my rather long nap.  But that’s okay, nothing to get up early for,” he said, without the edge to his voice he had earlier.  “Good night, Riss.”

“Night Jason, talk to you tomorrow.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the kind comments. Although I ultimately write for myself, it's nice to know people are enjoying the story.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've see one brief clip about the upcoming season on Facebook. This chapter contains one little throw away line based on the clip. If you blink, you will miss it!

Day 9

Tuesday

Marissa woke up a few minutes after 5:00 to the sound of pouring rain and a brewing headache.  She pushed back the covers and got out of bed with a groan, heading for the shower.

Bull woke up to the rain at approximately the same time with a groan of his own.  However, after a quick trip to the bathroom and a glass of water, he was able to curl up and go back to sleep.

******

By 11:00 Marissa’s headache was no longer brewing but full-fledged.  She was hiding in Bull’s office, curled up on the couch, attempting to read some information on a possible case but the words were just swimming around on the page. 

Benny appeared in the doorway with a little knock.  Marissa waved him in but shook her head when he tried to turn on the overhead light.  He came in as she curled up a little more under the blanket from Bull’s closet.  There was just enough room for him to sit at the end of the couch.

“You okay?” Benny asked as he slid down a little, resting his head on the back of the couch, staring at the ceiling.

“Headache,” she muttered as she tossed aside the folder she had been trying to read.  “How’s everything out there?”

“It’s fine.  Chunk’s doing witness prep, Cable and Danny went off to chase a lead a little while ago.”

“Good.  I’m getting nothing done here,” she said with a sigh.

“Heard from Bull today?” Benny asked.  Marissa just shook her head.  “Everything okay?”

“I don’t know.  We talked for a little while last night.  Made vague plans for coffee or lunch.  Kind of thought I’d at least hear from him, I don’t know, he’s still…something,” said Marissa as she swiped at the tears she suddenly felt stinging the corners of her eyes.  She wasn’t sure where they came from and she certainly wasn’t happy about them.

“We’re all worried about him,” Benny said as he patted her blanket covered foot before reaching for the box of tissues on the couch.  “He still pushing to come back?” he asked as he handed her a tissue.

“A little, not as much as I thought he would be. But he’ll be around this week, probably tomorrow when he interviews candidates for the assistant job.”  Benny just gave her a little look as she realized what she’d just said. “And I never told you about the assistant position,” Marissa said quietly.

“No, but Chunk did.  Told me some other stuff too, but to be honest, I wasn’t exactly oblivious to what’s been going on, I know you and Bull pretty well Marissa,” Benny admitted with a sigh.

“Did Chunk tell you what I almost did?”

“In vague terms.  You don’t owe me specifics.”

“Thanks.  Anyway, haven’t heard from him today. I should be happy he’s not bothering me.”

“But you’re more worried than happy, right?” Benny asked as he pushed himself off the couch and started to pace around the room.  Marissa just nodded. 

“Exactly, I want space and when I get too much, I worry. It’s like neither of us can win.”

“It’s not about winning Marissa.  It’s about working through the things we can control and learning to live with the things we can’t.”

“Your version of the Serenity Prayer?” she teased.

“Something like that.  Why don’t you go home?  We can handle things here,” Benny offered as he leaned against the front of Bull’s desk.

Marissa thought for a minute and agreed with a little nod.  Benny walked over towards her and held out his hand to help her to her feet.  “Thanks, text if you need anything.  I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said as she patted Benny on the shoulder.

She managed to pack up her things and get onto the elevator without being noticed.

******

Benny went back to his office, read through his email and after a minute’s worth of debate, he picked up his cell phone.

_BC-have you heard from Marissa today?_

_JB-no,  feeling a little….something today.  We were supposed to have lunch or coffee.  Haven’t felt like talking to anyone today.  Why?_

_BC-went home early with a headache._

_JB-she never goes home sick_

_BC-nope, figured you would want to know_

_JB-thanks._

_******_

A few minutes after noon Marissa stepped in her front door, dripping wet despite having an umbrella.  She took a warm shower and put on leggings and a shirt she may have stolen from Bull before curling up on the couch watching HGTV.  She picked up her phone and started to text Bull a few times but never actually sent anything.  She was feeling the ball was in his proverbial court.

******

Bull started to text Marissa a few times but stopped, figuring she was probably asleep and, more importantly, he didn’t really know what to say.  He paced around his place for a while, watched the rain out the kitchen window and formulated a plan.

*****

At 2:30 he stood at her front door carrying two cups of coffee, a bag of pastries and some flowers. His grand gesture was marred by the fact that he was dripping wet.  In an effort to walk a little he’d had his driver leave him off a few blocks from her place. At the time the sky was dark but the rain had let up.  The rain again started about 20 seconds after he left the coffee shop.

He used his elbow to ring her door bell, hoping she would answer and he wouldn’t have to put everything down to dig her key out of his pocket. 

It took two rings for Marissa to realize she wasn’t dreaming and the doorbell was actually ringing.  She had a pretty good guess who was at her door, nobody else was likely to know she was home in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon.  She took a quick glance through the peephole to confirm her suspicions.

“Hey,” he whispered as she opened the door.  “Benny told me you left early.  Thought I’d check on you, return the favor I suppose,” he said, second guessing his decision as she had yet to let him fully in the door.

“You look like hell,” she said as she stepped aside to let him in the door.  She took the bag and the flowers and headed for the kitchen as he set the tray of coffee on the little table just inside her front door.  He pulled off his glasses and wiped a hand over his face.  “Did you walk?” she called over her shoulder.

“From the coffee shop, thought I’d get some exercise,” he explained as he toed off his sneakers.

“That didn’t go too well,” she teased as she came back into the foyer and motioned for him to take off his coat.  She grabbed it and went to take it to the bathroom so she could hang it in the shower to dry.  “Follow me.”  He padded into the bathroom and sat on the counter.  Marissa handed him a towel and went to her room to see if she had something he could wear.  She found a pair of pajama pants and a TAC shirt that belonged to him.  “Here, get out of the wet clothes before you get pneumonia.”

“Yeah, that’s the last thing I need,” he muttered as he undid his belt and pulled his shirt tails out of his jeans.  Marissa stepped out of the room, leaving him to finish getting changed.  She started to head for the kitchen and the treats he brought but she figured he could wait on her for a change.  So she went back to the couch and curled up under the blanket.

Bull came out a minute later, damp hair sticking up in all directions. His wet clothes went into the dryer and he padded to the kitchen. He put the flowers in a vase and then grabbed the coffee and the goodies.  He found Marissa on the couch.  He handed her the coffee and set the bag on the coffee table.

“So, headache?” he asked as he sat down next to her.

“Yeah.  It’s fading a little after a shower and a short nap.  Caffeine should help, thanks.  What’s in the bag?” she asked as she took a sip of her coffee.

“The Italian cookies you like.”  He handed Marissa a cookie and grabbed one for himself before putting the bag back down. 

“Perfect, thanks,” she said as she held out her coffee for a quick “toast”.  “Hair looks nice,” she said as she smoothed it down a little.

“Thanks.  Sorry I didn’t call earlier.  Been a little….a little something today, or for a few days I suppose,” he muttered, not exactly sure how to explain how he was feeling.

“It’s okay,” Marissa whispered.  “You don’t have to explain….now,” she replied.

“So we’ll talk later then,” he said, knowing he wasn’t going to get away with his lackluster explanation.  “What about you, really just a headache?” he asked as he slid down a little, resting his head on the back of the couch.

“Headache part is true.  But I suppose I was feeling a little…a little something today too,” Marissa admitted with a sigh.

“We’re rather pathetic aren’t we?” Bull asked with little smirk.  Marissa just nodded and put her head on his shoulder.

They watched television in silence for a little while, curled up on the couch just as natural as could be.  It was just “them”.

Eventually Marissa’s eyes got heavy and she handed him her coffee so he could set it down on the table.  She tried to curl up a bit but he was taking up a good portion of the couch.

“Hand me the pillow,” he said with a smile.  She tossed him the pillow and then curled up with her head in his lap for a change.  She fell asleep to the feeling of Bull brushing back her hair.

Despite his best effort to stay awake, Bull eventually put his feet on the coffee table and fell asleep himself to the sound of the rain and wind.

*****

Around 4:00 both of them woke to a huge flash of lightning and a loud crack of thunder.  Marissa settled back down a few minutes later, leaving Bull wide awake.  He crept off the couch and covered her up with the blanket, kissing her forehead before he took the bag of cookies and his empty cup to the kitchen.  He opened her fridge in hopes of finding something other than wine to drink.  He grabbed a can of Diet Coke and wandered around her place for a little while.  Eventually he ended up at her kitchen table with a few cookies and his phone.  He returned a missed call to the employment agency, setting up a couple of interviews for the following afternoon.

Marissa woke up to the sound of Bull singing.  She couldn’t quite place the song but it was vaguely familiar.  A quick glance at her phone told her it was just after 5:00.  Her head still hurt but it wasn’t pounding as it had been when she got home.  Silently she padded towards the kitchen where she was able to watch Bull for a minute or so before he noticed her.

“Hey, feeling better?” he asked.

“A little,” she replied as she took a sip of her now cold coffee.  She ate another cookie and wandered around the kitchen.  “How are you?” she asked, giving him a look that told him she was clearly not going to be satisfied with his usual “I’m fine.”

“Would you believe me if I told you, I don’t really know?” he asked as she started to pace around the room.  Her kitchen wasn’t nearly as large as his and in an effort to get out of his way Marissa took a move from his playbook and hopped up to sit on the counter.

“Of course I would,” Marissa said with a sad smile.

“I know we talked about lunch or coffee today, but I just couldn’t get my act together this morning.  No motivation whatsoever.  If Benny hadn’t texted me about you I’d probably still be wandering around in my pajamas.”

“Well, we did do coffee. But you however, are wandering around in your pajamas,” she teased as she held out her hand to him. 

“Guess I am.  Didn’t come here nearly as prepared as you do when you come to my place,” he smirked as he grabbed her hands and moved to stand in between her knees. 

Marissa gave his hands a squeeze before letting them go.  She reached up and wiped a cookie crumb off his chin and ran her fingers through his freshly cut hair.  Bull put his hands on her shoulders.  He took a deep breath before kissing her forehead and tentatively pulled her into a hug. 

“I’m scared,” he whispered as Marissa melted into his embrace.

“Scared of what, Jason?” she asked as she rubbed his back.  She got a shrug of his shoulders, exactly what she expected.  Deep down he knew that answer was not going to fly with her and it would be in his best interested to elaborate a bit.  Marissa squirmed out of his embrace, bracing her hands on the edge of the counter and leaning back a little to try and look him in the eye.

“Believe it or not, coming back to work next week.  Or tomorrow to be more exact.  I have two interviews tomorrow afternoon for the assistant job,” Bull explained as crossed him arms and looking down, suddenly finding his bare feet interesting.

“That’s great about the interviews.  We’ll talk about tomorrow in a minute.  What bothers you about coming back next week?” she asked as she reached out to lift up his chin.  He met her gaze reluctantly as he took a deep breath.

“That I won’t be able to pick up where I left off.”

“You won’t be picking up where you left off.  You left off hell bent on self-destruction, running yourself into the ground and drinking way too much.”

“Ouch,” he muttered. “True, but ouch.”

“I’ve been trying a brutally honest approach lately,” Marissa said with a smirk.

“I think honesty is what we need,” Bull agreed.  “Worried I won’t be able to fit everything in, exercising, sleeping, healthy eating, and well, running a business.”

“Well, that’s where the rules we talked about come in.  Will you continue the outpatient cardiac rehab?”

“No, they’ll let me exercise at home.  And I have to actually be home once in a while to do that.”

“Treadmill in your office might be nice,” Marissa said, only half teasing.

“Maybe,” he muttered as he hopped up on the counter next to Marissa.

“Anything else about coming back next week?”

“Not looking forward to the looks of pity and people watching my every move.”

“A valid concern, I’m afraid. But anything like that is going to be done out of love, just remember that,” she said quietly.

“I know.  So tomorrow will be a trial run. Interviews are at 1:30 and 3:00.”

“You want to come early, we can order some lunch and all eat together?  I know everyone would love to see you,” Marissa offered.

“I think I’d like that,” he answered as a few seconds of contemplation.  He put his arm around Marissa and pressed a kiss to her temple. “Think we could get off the counter?” he teased. 

Marissa gave a little smile, not the laugh Bull was expecting.  He slid off the counter and stood in front of her once again.  He pressed a hand against her forehead.  She was cool but still looked a little pale.

“How about you go curl up on the couch, I’ll make some tea and try to find something to make for dinner?”

“Not really hungry but tea sounds good,” she said as she took the hand he offered and slid off the counter.

Marissa was asleep before the water in the tea kettle boiled.  Bull covered her up, kissed her cheek and  made some tea for himself.  He realized he really had been ill prepared for his visit, he hadn’t brought a book, his laptop, or anything to occupy his time while Marissa slept.

He spotted the morning paper on the kitchen table and did the crossword puzzle while Marissa slept.  Although she said she wasn’t really in the mood to eat anything, he was hungry for a change.  A quick glance at her fridge and he grabbed his cell to order some Chinese food, skipping his usual order in favor of something a little less heart attack inducing.  He ordered some soup for Marissa and an order of her favorite, chicken and broccoli.

The arrival of the food didn’t wake Marissa.  Bull brought his food out and sat in the over stuffed chair next to the couch, watching the Yankees blow a three run lead in the first game of a double header. The game was on mute but his groaning at the score did cause her to stir a bit a little after 7:00.  She rubbed her eyes and sat up, trying to gain a little semblance of time and space as she had no idea what time it was nor any idea of where the smell of food was coming from.

“Sorry, Yankees blew a big lead and I ordered Chinese cause you have no food,” he said with a grin, answering both of her unasked questions.

“Ah,” she muttered as she sat up, still wrapped up in the blanket Bull had thrown over her earlier.

“You hungry? I got you soup and chicken and broccoli.”

“Soup sounds good.  I’ll be out in a minute,” she said as she headed to the bathroom. 

Marissa managed to eat some of the soup and read a magazine while Bull watched the game.  The rain and wind picked up again and she went in search of some candles and matches, just in case.  Turned out to be a good idea when the power went out about 9:00.   Bull set a few candles on the coffee table, giving the room a nice glow.  They curled up on the couch, chatting about nothing in particular.  Eventually Bull fell asleep mid-sentence.  Marissa pulled off his glasses, covered him up and ruffled his hair.  She cleaned up the few dishes they used and pulled his clothes out of the dryer, folding them and putting them on the counter in the bathroom.  She brushed her teeth and went back into the living room to check on him.  He was still sound asleep and she debated whether or not to wake him and send him home.  Took all of a few seconds to decide to leave him where he was.  She texted his driver to let him know that they would call him in the morning to give him their plans. Before locking the door she blew out the candles and kissed his forehead, a habit they both seemed to have acquired in the past week or so.  One both of them kind of liked.

With the power still out she figured going to bed was her best bet.  She took some more Advil and drank some water before crawling into her bed.

Thunder woke her in the wee hours of the morning.  She heard Bull wandering around but lacked the energy to go check on him.  She got the feeling her was lurking in her doorway a minute later.

“What’s up, Jason?” she asked as she rolled over to face the door.

“Me apparently,” he said as he came into the room and flopped down on the bed. 

“I think you gave me your headache,” he muttered as he rubbed his eyes.

“Yeah, doesn’t work that way buddy.  Take some Advil.  You’ll need this,” she said as she tossed him her cell phone after turning on the flashlight.  He stumbled into the bathroom and found the bottle of Advil on the counter.  He took two with a handful of water and headed back to Marissa’s room.

“You going to lurk there or are you going to come in?” she teased as she pushed back the covers in an invitation.

“This isn’t helping the whole “boundary” issue,” he teased as he crawled into bed.

“I know that Jason but I’m willing to deal with it, if you are,” she teased.

“I think I can handle it,” he whispered as he stretched out on his stomach.

Marissa rubbed his back for a minute until he fell asleep.  She eventually rolled over and watched as the lights of the city came back on.  Ten minutes later she was asleep herself.

 

 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

Day 10

Wednesday

Marissa woke up a few minutes before her alarm.  Bull was still sound asleep, curled up against her side, arm thrown around her waist.  She basked in the feeling for a minute or so longer than she really should have.

“Boundaries,” she whispered to herself as she gently extracted herself.

By the time she started the coffee maker and took a quick shower he was starting to stir.

“Morning,” she said patting his blanket covered foot as she crossed the room towards her closet.

“Morning,” he muttered as he rubbed at his eyes, trying to wake up a little more.

“You want your driver to pick us both up? He can drop me at work and you back at your place,” Marissa asked as she opened her closet to pick out something to wear. 

“Sounds fine, I’ll text him,” Bull offered as he put on his glasses.

“Enjoying the show?” Marissa asked when it became apparent he was watching her wander around the room in her robe.

“Uh, not sure how to answer that,” he muttered as he pushed the covers back and sat up.

“I’ll take that as a yes and we’ll move on,” Marissa teased.

“How about I move on and pour some coffee for us after I text the driver.”

“Perfect.”

*****

By 7:15 Marissa was in her office with her second cup of coffee.  Bull was sitting at his kitchen table with the newspaper and his third cup of coffee.  The plan was for him to go into the office about 11:30.  Marissa had ordered Mexican food for lunch, one of his favorites.  They would all have lunch together and then he’d do the interviews.

Sounded like a perfect little plan, one Bull wasn’t too sure about.  He was more anxious about the day than he cared to admit. 

He pushed the paper aside and picked up his coffee to wander around a little.  He went out on the balcony to get some fresh air.  The morning was cool, the city starting to dry out from the rain.  After ten minutes or so of watch the city come alive as it did each morning, he headed in to eat something and take a shower.

Leaving the bathroom with a puff of steam he pulled on a t-shirt and a pair of boxers before checking his cell phone, no missed calls or texts.  He combed his hair and put on his watch.

Like Marissa he spent a few minutes staring at his closet trying to decide what to wear.  He’d been in jeans and shorts since he got home and a hospital gown for a week before that.  He pulled out a pair of navy dress pants and a crisp white dress shirt, what he wore to work 80% of the time. 

By 10:00 he was dressed and ready to go.  He killed another hour or so going over the resumes for the candidates and reading a few case files Marissa had sent home with him.  At 11:10 he grabbed his laptop and backpack before heading out to meet his driver.

When the car pulled up to TAC he could feel his anxiety level rising.  He’d spent most of the drive doing some deep breathing he’d learned in cardiac rehab.  It wasn’t quite working and he wasn’t quite sure how he would handle the inevitable crowd of people waiting for him when he got off the elevator. 

 

_JB-I’m getting out of the car now.  Want to come meet me downstairs_

_MM-scared to come up alone? And yes that was a serious question._

_JB-the serious answer is not scared, anxious would be more correct_

_MM-Be down in a minute_

Bull was waiting in the lobby of the building, making small talk with the security guard when Marissa stepped off the elevator.  She walked quickly over to him and stopped short.  Her first instinct was to give him a quick kiss on the cheek as had been the norm every time they had seen each other lately.  But they were at work, things were different, boundaries had to be set.

“Hey.  You look good, all dressed in real clothes,” she said as gave his arm a squeeze.

“Feels weird, was getting used to looking like a bum,” he teased as he hit the button for the elevator.

Once they were alone in the confines of the elevator, Marissa forgot all about the boundaries and gave him a big smile and kissed his cheek.

“You doing okay?” she asked as she tucked the collar of his shirt back under the lapel of his navy jacket.

“Think so.  They’re not all going to be waiting for me to get off the elevator are they?” he asked as he fidgeted a little.

“I asked them not to, but I’m not sure I have that kind of control over them,” she smirked.

Much to his chagrin but not his surprise the staff was waiting for him.  They applauded and called out to him.  As much as it made him uncomfortable, he was also very touched.  After a few minutes Marissa took him by the arm and led him to his office.  He stood in the doorway for a few seconds until she gave him a little nudge to get him to go in the room.

He stood behind his desk for a minute before sitting down.  It was clear Marissa had cleaned up a bit, the usual haphazard piles of papers and assorted strewn office supplies were straightened up.  There was a fresh bottle of water and a new yellow legal pad waiting for him. 

“I’m going to let you get settled for a few minutes while I go check on the lunch delivery,” Marissa said as she handed him his backpack.

“Thanks,” he muttered, his attention already turned towards the files and his laptop he was pulling out.  Marissa gave once last glance over her shoulder, smiling at the sight of Bull behind his desk, right where he belonged.

*******

 At 12:15 Marissa gathered everyone in the kitchen for lunch.  She had asked Bull if he wanted to say a few words to everyone.  He gave it a try but got too choked up to get much more than a heartfelt thank you out.

She stood back as he grabbed some food and sat himself down at the counter between Benny and Cable.  He glanced up at Marissa as she passed by him, carrying her plate of food.  He gave her a wink and a little nod.  She took a seat on the other side of the room next to Chunk.

“He looks good,” Chunk said as Marissa sat down.

“He does.  Hoping it’s not just for show,” she said softly.

“Still depressed?”

“Yeah, I think so.  He’s got a follow with the cardiologist on Friday.  I actually think he’ll be honest with him about how he’s been feeling.  He’s not against going back to therapy or taking something.  We’ll see I suppose.”

“That we will.  So two interviews today?”

“Yes.  Fingers crossed.”

“Fingers crossed he doesn’t scare them away,” Chunk teased.

“Exactly.”

*****

At 1:32 Marissa escorted the first candidate into the conference room.  At about 6 feet tall with black curly hair Alexander Gibbons was nothing like the “grad student with questionable morals” Bull had teased about hiring.  He’d recently graduated with a bachelors in psychology and a minor in forensics from NYU.   While it was clear he was probably overqualified for the job both Bull and Marissa saw something in the poised, mature young man.

The second interview was more along the lines of what Bull had teased Marissa about hiring.  She was a perfectly nice grad student named Joanna Price and seemed very eager to learn more about the work TAC did but there was something about her that just didn’t sit right with either Bull or Marissa. 

Marissa escorted her down in the elevator with a “thank you, we’ll be in touch”.

Benny and Chunk met her when she came back up on the elevator.  She told them about the interviews while they picked at the leftover desserts from lunch. 

“Hey, where’s Bull?” Benny asked, suddenly realized he hadn’t seen the boss since the interviews had ended.

“No idea,” Marissa said as she glanced around, trying to see if she could catch sight of him wandering around the office.

“Why don’t you go track him down, Chunk and I have some work to do,” Benny said as he grabbed another cookie and headed for his office, motioning for Chunk to follow.

Marissa took a quick look in Bull’s office; it was empty.  His suit jacket was tossed over a chair and his backpack was on the couch so he hadn’t gone very far. He wasn’t with Cable and Danny was out tracking down some information for a new case.  She gave a quick glance into the mock courtroom.  He was sitting in there in the dark, alone.  He was clearly lost in his own thoughts.  Marissa quietly stepped in, not wanting to startle him.

“Jason,” she said quietly.  He gave a little wave of his hand without lifting his head up to look at her.  He was sitting in the front row of the jury box, arms resting on the front rail, head hanging down.   Marissa crossed the room and stood in front of him.  She ran a hand through his hair and kissed the top of his head.  “Look at me, please,” she said as she tapped his hand.  He reluctantly looked up, pulling off his glasses and running a hand over his eyes.  “Pity party?” she asked as he slipped his glasses back on and rolled up his sleeves.

“Suppose so,” he muttered before leaning back in the chair, lacing his hands behind his head and looking up at the ceiling. 

“Well, we don’t really have time for that right now,” Marissa said with a smile as she walked to her right to enter the jury box. She sat down next to Bull, tucking her right leg under her so she faced him a little.  “What did you think of the interviews?”

“I think you know what I think.  Grad student Joanna wouldn’t last a month and Alexander is over qualified.”

“Do you want to see more candidates?” she asked.

“Not really.  Do you think we can rework the job description a bit?”

“Jason, it’s your company, you can do whatever the hell you want,” she pointed out as she nudged his shoulder.  “I just want you to keep your promise about getting the assistant type tasks off my plate,” she said carefully. 

“I would never go back on that promise.  If I did, the consequences would more than I could bear,” he said as he stared straight ahead. 

“Thank you,” Marissa whispered.  “So, assistant tasks first and he also gets to learn the workings of TAC, helping out with whatever we need.”

“Perfect.  I’ll call him tomorrow,” Bull said as he tried in vain to stifle a large yawn.

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I have some work to do,” Marissa teased as she stood up and ran her hands over her floral skirt.  She held out her hand and helped Bull to his feet.  “I was going to get some coffee, you want any?” she asked as they walked out of the courtroom.

“No, I actually think I’m going to collapse on my couch for a little while.”

“Good idea.  Yell if you need anything.”

*****

It was almost 6 by the time Marissa had wrapped things up for the day.  She and Bull were the only two in the office, Chunk and Benny had headed out a few minutes earlier, inviting  Marissa and Bull out for dinner.  Marissa had declined for the both of them.  She knew Bull probably would have accepted the invitation but she also new he was exhausted, given the fact he’d been passed out on the couch in his office for over and hour and a half.

With her own bag packed up and things shut down for the day Marissa headed to wake Bull up. She stopped in the doorway of his office to survey the scene.  He’d only spent a couple of hours actually working in his office and yet it looked like he never left.  There were papers strewn about the desk, 3 half empty water bottles scattered around the room and various items tossed about.  His suit jacket was on a chair, shoes under the coffee table, glasses and cell phone on the arm of the couch and a half eaten cookie on the end table.

Bull himself was face down on the couch, one arm hanging off the edge, the other hand tucked under his head.  Shirt tails were pulled out and his recently cut hair was sticking up in a way that seemed to defy gravity. 

Marissa smiled as she crept into the room.  He didn’t stir as she threw away the water bottles and straightened up his desk a little.  Eventually she knelt down in front of the couch and gently rubbed is back a bit, hoping to wake him up.

“Jason,” she whispered.

“Huh?” he muttered as he wiped a hand over his mouth, wiping away the drool he was pretty sure had formed.  He glanced around the room for a few seconds.

“It’s 6:00 and everyone else is gone,” Marissa said as it was clear he was having a little trouble orienting himself to time and space.  “You want to think about getting out of here?”

“Yeah,” Bull muttered as he levered himself up to sitting.  Marissa got up off the floor and sat next to him on the couch.  He leaned over and kissed her cheek before resting his head on her shoulder, clearly not ready to get moving just yet.

“Not sure how I’m going to make it through full days next week,” Bull sighed.

“You don’t have to.  Works half days, you are the boss,” Marissa pointed out as she nudged him a little. 

“That I am.  Is there food left?  I’m starving,” he said as she propelled himself to his feet, reaching out to pull Marissa to her feet too.

They headed for the kitchen and the abundant leftovers.  They had contemplated packing up some of the food and taking it to one of their places but ended up pulling stuff out of the fridge and setting it up on the island.  Bull grabbed some plates and drinks while Marissa heated their plates in the microwave.

Bull ate more than he had in well over a week and was much more chatty too.  “What?” he asked as he glanced up from his plate to find Marissa giving him a big gooey smile.

“Nice to see you looking a bit more like yourself,” she said simply.

“Yeah,” he smiled back.

By the time they were done eating and cleaning up it was about 7:30.  Bull texted his driver while Marissa went to grab her bag and his backpack to meet him at the elevator.

“It was a really nice day,” Marissa said as she hit the elevator button.

“It was,” Bull agreed.  “Thanks for making it happen.  I owe you.”

“That you do,” Marissa smirked as the doors slide open.

The car dropped Marissa off first.  Bull declined her offer to come in for a little while. With a kiss to his cheek Marissa climbed out of the car.  She gave a little wave as the driver pulled away from the curb.

Bull leaned back in his seat, nearly falling asleep in the 15 minute ride to his place.  He stumbled in the doorway, dropping his backpack on the bench before heading for the kitchen and a glass of water. 

By 9:00 he was in bed with his book and fading fast.

 


	11. Chapter 11

Day 11

Thursday

Both Marissa and Bull had incredibly busy days.  Marissa at work and Bull getting ready to return to work.

It was well into the afternoon before either of them thought to check in with the other.

3:00

_MM-How was your last rehab?_

_JB-Probably the highlight of my day_

_MM-really?  That doesn’t sound too good_

_JB-Not at all, let’s see, coffee maker died mid brew this morning, newspaper didn’t come, went out for coffee after rehab and the café was out of corn muffins, dry cleaning wasn’t done when I got there.  Bought a new coffee maker and managed to cut my finger on the box getting it opened, damn staple.  Let’s just say the blood thinners certainly work._

_MM-I guess you’re having a bit of a day then._

_JB-You could say that.  How’s your day going?_

_MM-just fine here, busy but nothing terribly exciting.  Did you talk to Alexander?_

_JB-I did.  Made his day.  He’ll start a week from Monday.  Didn’t think you could handle both of us showing up the same day._

_MM-good thinking, thanks.  Everyone is still talking about your appearance yesterday.  Hopefully your return on Monday will be much more low key._

_JB-God I hope so._

_MM-what time is your appointment tomorrow._

_JB-Cardiologist at 11:00 and then I made an appointment with my primary at 2:00_

_MM-Primary? Care to share anything?_

_JB-not now, after the appointments.  Dinner tomorrow, I’ll cook._

_MM-Deal._

_JB-I’m going to go out on the balcony and enjoy the beautiful afternoon._

_MM-rub it in, I’m going back to my work._

_JB-in my office_

_MM-of course. Talk to you tomorrow._

_JB-bye_

Bull grabbed his book, a can of Diet Coke and headed outside to read.  His string of rotten luck kept going as he caught the toe of his sneaker on the track of the slider and went down on one knee.  He stood up carefully, surveyed the damage and went in the bathroom muttering “damn blood thinners”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies to Aaron Sorkin for stealing a line from The West Wing. Not the first time I've done that and I'm sure not the last!!


	12. Chapter 12

Day 12

Friday

Bull was up at 6:00, figuring he would start getting back on his regular work schedule.  A walk crossed his mind but the fall the night before had left him with a pretty badly skinned and slightly bruised knee.  So he propped it up on the coffee table with an ice pack while he watched the early morning news, enjoyed a few cups of coffee and read the newspaper.

When the second hour of the Today show began he clicked off the television and headed for the shower.

*****

He headed out at 9:30 to run a few errands before his first appointment of the day.

*****

Bull left the office of his cardiologist a little after 12:30.   With a warning about not pushing himself too hard, the doctor had cleared him to return to work on Monday.  He knew he should be thrilled.  And part of him was, but another part was just scared.

So he slid into the comfort of his car and as the driver pulled into traffic he texted the one person who would understand his dilemma.

_JB-done at the cardiologist_

_MM-And?_

_JB-Cleared to come back to work_

_MM-Great.  So happy for you.  Everyone will be excited.  I’ll try to keep them from getting too excited.  But no guarantees._

 

Marissa set aside her phone to take a call on her office line.

Ten minutes later she hadn’t heard anything else from Bull.

 

_MM-Jason, you okay?  Was expecting some sort of smart ass reply to my last text._

_JB-sorry to disappoint.  Did you eat yet?_

_MM-I did, you?_

_JB-not really hungry.  You free for coffee?_

_MM-how about iced tea?  Where are you?_

_JB-5 blocks away.  Meet me downstairs in 15?_

_MM-sounds good_

 

Marissa answered another few emails trying not to dwell on the fact Bull offered to meet her downstairs and hadn’t tried to come up to the office.

“Be back soon,” Marissa yelled over her shoulder to whoever might be listening as she headed for the elevator.  Chunk looked up as the elevator door slid closed.  He sent a questioning look in Benny’s direction, both were taking a break and heading for the kitchen.

 

Bull was standing outside, leaning against a streetlamp, two large Dunkin Donuts iced teas in his hands.  Marissa took hers with a smile and a kiss on his cheek.

“Why are you limping?” Marissa asked as Bull was clearly hobbling a little after his run in with the slider track.

“Nothing serious, I’ll explain later,” he said with a vague gesture in the direction of his right knee.

Marissa looked at him warily but didn’t press him for any more information.

“Walk around the block?” Bull asked.

“Sure.  Start talking, I don’t have a lot of time,” Marissa said with a smile, figuring that cutting to the chase was the way to go.  She was actually in the middle of a busy day and Bull still had another appointment ahead of him.

“Coming back Monday and I’m not as thrilled as I thought I would be,” he said simply.

“For starters, you don’t have to come back on Monday, you are the boss.  That being said, you should probably figure out why you’re not thrilled.  Put those 3 PhDs to work,” Marissa teased as she nudged him a bit with her shoulder.  He gave a little chuckle, which made her feel better.

“Not exactly sure why I’m not thrilled.  Should probably talk to someone about that,” he muttered.  “Anyway, I think when I go to see the doctor this afternoon we’re going to talk about meds.”

“Kind of figured.  I’m obviously not a medical professional, but I do have a pretty good grasp on you and how your mind works.  And you’re struggling.  And it breaks my heart to see it,” Marissa said as she tucked her arm into his.  Bull stopped for half a step and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

“And I can’t thank you enough for looking out for me.”

“You don’t have to thank me, that’s what friends do for each other.  I just want you to be happy Jason.”

“And that’s what I want for you too,” he whispered.

They continued around the block in comfortable silence, just enjoying each other’s company. 

“I need to get back inside, I have a meeting in 20 minutes,” Marissa said when the ended up back in front of the TAC building.

“And I have an appointment to get ready for.  Still on for dinner tonight?  6:30?”  Bull asked.

“Of course,” Marissa replied.

“Good because I can’t eat an entire meatloaf by myself,” Bull said with a grin.  He grabbed her hand and gave it a quick squeeze.  “Go back to work, I’ll see you later.”  And with a wink and a dip of his chin he turned to meet his driver around the corner.

*****

4:30

_JB-on my way home.  Appointment went fine.  Tell you about it later._

_MM-wrapping up here in a few minutes.  Okay if I come by a little earlier?_

_JB-of course, but you’ll have to peel potatoes_

_MM-I can handle that.  Be there in about an hour._

_JB-Perfect_

Marissa spoke with Benny for a few minutes about his appearances in court for the following week.  They talked about how to ease Bull back into the flow of things come Monday morning.  She went back to her office and shut down her computer.  She shoved her laptop in her bag along with a few case files that she wanted Bull to take a look at over the weekend, ones she and Benny had just discussed.  She answered a text from Bull’s driver who was apparently waiting for her outside.  She told him she would be out in a few minutes and needed to stop by her place before going to Bull’s.

She stopped by her place to grab a few things, namely a change of clothes.  She was realistic enough to know she was going to end up staying at Bull’s place.  To say they’d gotten a little too comfortable staying at each other’s place was an understatement.  And they would be discussing that at some point over the weekend.

*****

“Jason,” she called as she opened his front door, kicking off her shoes and dropping her tote on the bench.

“Kitchen,” he called back.

She followed the scent of dinner cooking and the sound of Jimmy Buffett.

“Smells good,” she said as she gave him quick pat on the back before grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge.

“Potato peeler is in the drawer,” he smirked as he motioned to the drawer next to the sink.

“Nice greeting.  Can I change first?” she asked motioning towards her floral dress she hadn’t take the time to change out of when she stopped quickly at home.

“I suppose,” he teased as she turned to head down the hall.  “Did you being some files home?” he yelled. 

Marissa ignored his question.  She came back out a few minutes later.  “I’m sorry did you say something as I was going to get changed?” she teased.

“Cute,” he muttered as he turned from where he had been washing a few dishes to face her.  “Do you not own shirts?   You seem to bring leggings when you come over but end up wearing my shirts,” he teased as he recognized the faded Yankees t-shirt she was wearing.

“You have better t-shirts,” she smirked at him.  “Uh, Jason, what did you do to your knee?” she asked as she noticed the rather large scrape from where he’d fallen the previous day.

“Tripped over the track to the slider last night,” he muttered.  “Let’s just say the blood thinners are still working just fine.”  She motioned for him to sit down so she could take a better look at it.  He sat on one of the stools and propped his foot up on the other.   “It’s fine, just a little bruised and sore.  Had ice on it earlier.”

“Okay.  How about I peel the potatoes and you put some more ice on it,” she offered.

“Sounds like a plan.  Honestly, it’s pretty sore.”

Marissa got him the ice pack, a towel and a drink before grabbing the potato peeler.

They made a little small talk about work, the weather and the Yankees, among other things.  It was clear he wasn’t about to launch into a conversation about his doctor’s appointment.

“So how was the appointment this afternoon?” she asked over her shoulder when there was a break in his ramblings.

“It was good.  Talked about a few medication options.  Not a huge fan of just taking something as needed for anxiety.  Would rather just take something regularly.  And to be honest, an anti-depressant isn’t the worst idea right how. She agreed.  Gave me a script for Lexapro and made a suggestion to think about returning to therapy.”

“How do you feel about that?”

“I think I will.  Maybe hold off a few weeks, get somewhat settled back at work.  Give myself more things to talk about in therapy,” he said with a little chuckle.  “And I got the second lecture of the day about eating right and sleeping regularly.  And exercising of course.  All in all a good day, I suppose.”

“Good, I’m glad things went well,” Marissa said as she cut the last potato, dropped it in the pot and turned the stove on.

Bull got up to put the ice pack back in the freezer.  He took the cheese tray he’d assembled earlier and set it on the island.  He headed for the pantry to grab some crackers.  “So about those files you brought home?” he called from the pantry.

“After dinner,” Marissa said as she grabbed a piece of cheese before pulling a basket off the shelf to put the crackers in.

“Fine,” he muttered as he handed her the box of crackers.  “How busy is my Monday going to be?”

“As busy as you want it to be.  We’re going to do this at your pace.”

“Until my pace is too fast and you bring in the RULES,” he muttered under his breath.

“True,” Marissa grinned.  “But honestly, I don’t think we’re really going to have any big issues.  As far as I can tell you’re not really pushing yourself.  You seem to take a break when you need to.  And I think you’re starting to accept your limits.”

“Limits?” he repeated, not thrilled with her choice of wording.

“Okay, maybe limits isn’t the right word.  You’re starting to accept your life as it is now.  The unimaginable happened and now you have a new reality.”

He nodded his acceptance of her explanation as she sat down next to him on the other stool. 

“Would you take it the wrong way if I said I was proud of you?” Marissa asked.   Bull thought about it for a few seconds and just shook his head in silence.  “Your whole world changed 3 weeks ago.  And you’ve come through it better than I thought you would.”

“Better than you thought I would, based on what?  The self destructive direction I was hell bent on going?”

“Something like that,” Marissa muttered as she slid off the stool to go drain the potatoes.

“I’ll do that,” he offered as he waved her back down.  “To be honest, I’m a little bit proud of how I’ve handled this too,” he said over his shoulder as he turned off the stove and reached for the pot holders.

*****

A comforting meal of meatloaf and mashed potatoes was the perfect end to their week.  Bull’s appetite had been wavering for the last few days and Marissa was happy to see him eat well.

She cleaned while he puttered around a bit.  He finished the crossword puzzle, put away the clean laundry his cleaning lady had put in the chair in his room and scrolled through Facebook on his phone.

“What do you feel like doing?” Marissa asked as she hung the dish towel on the oven handle and faced him.  It was pretty clear to her he was rather restless at the moment. 

“Eating a huge bowl of ice cream,” he laughed.

“How about a small cone, but we’re walking to get it.  You need to burn off a little excess energy or you’ll drive me crazy tonight,” Marissa teased.

“Deal,” he replied very quickly.  He headed to his room to find his sneakers while Marissa went into the guest room. She took off his oversized shirt and pulled on something of her own, opening herself up to some teasing.

“So you do own shirts,” he smirked as they met by the front door.

“Shut up,” she muttered, smacking him a bit on the arm as she reached for the doorknob.

*****

“Okay, I’m not sure double chocolate ice cream was the best idea,” Marissa muttered as she watched Bull take another lap around the apartment.  Clearly he still had plenty of energy.  And at nearly 10:00 her energy was all but gone.  While she let him pace she headed to the guest room to get ready for bed, or at least ready to completely relax.  She put his shirt back on, fully prepared for the teasing that would likely come her way.  When she came back out she heard the sounds of his guitar playing and singing coming from the balcony.  She put water on for tea, taking two mugs out a few minutes later.

“Nice shirt,” he smirked as he stopped mid-lyric to tease her.

Marissa set the tea down on the little table and sat on the lounger, behind Bull who was sitting on the very end, long legs stretched out in front of him.  He turned sideways so his back wasn’t facing her.  He played for a while, stopping every now and then for a sip of tea and to take a few requests.  Eventually he stopped and put the guitar on the table.  He stood looking out over the city, lost in his thoughts.  Marissa finished her tea and got up to join him.  She stood next to him, but not touching him.  They said nothing for what seemed like a long time.  In reality it was probably only a few minutes.

Bull tried in vain to stifle a yawn as he pushed his glasses up on the top of his head and rubbed at his eyes a bit.

“Finally coming down from your sugar high?” Marissa teased as she nudged him with her shoulder.

“Think so.  You ready to head inside?”

“Yeah,” Marissa sad as she patted his shoulder.  She picked up the mugs while Bull grabbed his guitar.

“I think I’ll take a shower, try to relax a little more,” he said quietly as he put his guitar back in its place before heading down the hall.

Marissa put the mugs in the dishwasher and set up the coffee maker for the morning before grabbing her book and heading for the office to read for a while.  She heard him wandering around after his shower but she didn’t go looking for him.  And he didn’t come seek her out either.  Marissa eventually set her book aside and let her eyes slide closed.

Eventually Bull wandered to the office, knowing Marissa had to be in there.  She wasn’t anywhere else in the apartment and her bag and shoes were still by the front door.  He found her curled up on the couch, sound asleep. He sat on the coffee table in front of her for a few minutes, contemplating whether to wake her up and send her to bed.   After a few minutes he just covered her up with the throw from the back of the couch, kissed her cheek and turned off the light.

With a sigh he stood in the doorway, watching her sleep for a few more minutes before heading for the kitchen.  He took his pills, drank a glass of water and sat down at the island with the stack of files he found in Marissa’s bag.  He read the paper files and skimmed the computer files Marissa had already started on the cases.  When his eyes started to grow heavy he drank a Diet Coke, hoping the caffeine would give him a little more momentum.  He glanced at the clock on the microwave as he popped the soda open.  It was almost midnight.  He knew he should go to bed but the idea of doing some work and feeling useful sent him back to the island and the files. 

Marissa woke up with a start a little after 1:00.  Took her a minute to realize where she was.  She pushed back the blanket, smiling as she realized Bull must have covered her up when she fell asleep.  She got up to use the bathroom and saw the lights were still on in the kitchen.  In the quiet of the apartment she could hear Bull typing on his laptop.  She used the bathroom and headed for the kitchen to get Bull to go to bed.

“It’s late, Jason,” she whispered from the other side of the room, startling him slightly. 

“So it is,” he agreed as he checked the time on the right hand corner of his laptop screen.

Marissa pushed herself away from the counter and crossed to the other side of the room, hopping up to sit on the counter.  Bull watched her with thinly veiled amusement. 

“Stole the files out of my bag did you?” she asked with a grin.

“Yes, I stole my company files from your bag,” he replied with a grin of his own.  He drained the can of soda and put it in the recycling can under the kitchen sink.

“Caffeine is the last thing you need right now,” Marissa pointed out.  Bull just shrugged his shoulders as he paced the length of the kitchen a few times.  He eventually went back to sitting on the stool.  She crossed the room and wrapped her arms around him from behind, resting her chin on his shoulder.  He held on to her arms and turned a bit to press a kiss to her temple.  Marissa inhaled the scent of Irish Spring soap closing her eyes for a minute, lingering longer than she should and longer than she planned on doing come Monday morning.

She knew things needed to change.  And that she and Bull needed to talk about how things were going to change.  But after 1:00 in the morning she was just enjoying the closeness.  Eventually Bull’s yawning ended the moment. Marissa stood up and patted his shoulder.

“Take a sleeping pill, you’re going to bed,” she said as she turned him towards the hall and gave him a little shove to get him moving.  She got herself a glass of water and turned out the lights.

She heard the toilet flush in his bathroom and the creak of the bed as he most likely just face planted on.  Against all of her better judgement she went into the room and sat down on the edge of the bed.  Bull looked at her and gave her a weary smile.

“One last time? Before things have to change,” he whispered as he scooted over to give her room to lie down.

Her answer came in the form of a teary smile and a tiny nod of her head.

“We can talk tomorrow,” he whispered as she curled against his side.

“You know Jason, I hate when you can read my mind,” Marissa sighed.

“I know and lucky for you, that doesn’t happen very often,” he teased.  “Sleep.  We have all weekend to talk.”

He felt Marissa nod against his shoulder as he kissed her forehead.

“This change is going to suck,” he thought to himself.

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

Day 13

Saturday

Bull had a restless night, eventually ending up on the couch in his office somewhere in the wee hours of the morning.  That was where Marissa found him a little after 7:00 the next morning.  He was starting to stir a little when she poked her head in the doorway.

“Hey,” he muttered as he sat up a little.  Marissa entered the room and turned on the lamp on the table next to the couch.  Bull squinted at the light and Marissa got a good look at him.

She wasn’t really happy with what she saw.  He looked a bit pale with rather dark circles under his eyes.

“You okay?” she asked as sat down on the coffee table.  She reached out and tipped up his chin a bit with her finger, getting him to look her in the eye.

“Had trouble sleeping, came out here….I really have no idea when I came out here,” he said as he scrubbed a hand over his stubbled chin. 

“It’s still pretty early, you want to try and get some more sleep?” Marissa asked as she reached out and smoothed down his hair a little.  She got the fully expected shrug of his shoulders.  “Why don’t you try that,” she suggested as she motioned for him to lay back down.  He did as she suggested with a little sigh.  Marissa covered him back up, patted his shoulder and left the room.

Marissa showered and packed up her things, making the decision not to stay another night.  She stopped short of putting her bags by the front door.

While Bull slept she made a pot of coffee and contemplated the conversation she knew they needed to have in the next 2 days.  She was sure he knew they would be having a serious conversation. This one would likely not blindside him like their original conversation did two weeks earlier.

Fueled by coffee and banana muffins Bull had made a few days earlier, Marissa opened up her laptop and did some work to kill time.

A little after 9:00 Bull wandered out of the office and into the kitchen, not looking much better than he had two hours earlier.

“You, my dear Jason, look like crap,” she said with a well arched eyebrow.  That didn’t even earn her a smart ass reply, which got her attention. “Sit.  Do you want coffee?”

“Sure,” he muttered as he glanced at the newspaper which was sitting on the island.

Marissa poured him a mug of coffee and grabbed the milk out of the fridge.  He took both with a small grateful smile.

“Do you feel okay?” she asked as she reach out to press her hand against his cheek. He was cool.

“Just tired I think,” he said with a sigh.  He drank his coffee while Marissa made him some oatmeal.

While he ate a little of his breakfast they went over the cases he had worked on the previous night.  As usual they were pretty much in agreement with most aspects of them.  When he was done with the oatmeal he put his bowl in the dishwasher and refilled his mug with the last of the coffee.

“What do you feel like doing today?” Marissa asked as she put her own mug in the dishwasher.  To be honest she wouldn’t have been surprised if he said he wanted to just camp out on the couch with Netflix.

“Can we go into the office today?  I want to clean up a little, spend a little time getting organized, do a few other things,” he said as he hopped up onto the counter.

“Dump the liquor?” Marissa guessed. 

“I don’t know about dumping it all.  Might be nice to have some around for guests but I’d like to get it off the bookcase.”

“Out of sight, out of mind?” Marissa said.

“Something like that.”

“We can do whatever you want,” Marissa assured him.  “Why don’t you hop in the shower so we can get moving.”

“Yeah,” he muttered although he made no effort to get off the counter. He sat there swinging his legs, hands braced on the edge of the counter, head hanging.

“Jason,” Marissa said softly from the other side of the room.  It was clear he had something to say but she really wasn’t in the mood to drag anything out of him.

“Should we talk later?” he asked as he picked his head up to meet her eyes.  He was clearly nervous to hear her answer.

“Yes,” she whispered back as she crossed the room and stood in front of him.  “Jason, I promise you, our conversation will not end up with you feeling like puking,” she teased as she put her hands on his knees.

“Good to know,” he chuckled as he leaned over to kiss her forehead. 

“Can you please get moving?” she teased as she patted his hip.

He slid off the counter and headed for the bathroom.

*****

They stopped at Starbucks on the way to the office arriving a little before 11:00.  Marissa headed for her office, leaving Bull to spend a little time alone in his office.  He straightened up a few things he hadn’t bothered to do when he was there on Wednesday.  He moved the bottles of liquor from the open shelves of the bookcase to the cabinet part underneath.

Marissa busied herself getting things organized for the work week.  She made a pile of things which she’d “borrowed” from Bull’s office over the past two weeks. 

“Hey, have you seen the blanket that belongs on the back of my couch?” Bull yelled as he headed for Marissa’s office.

“Huh?” Marissa asked, trying her best to look innocent.  “That blanket?” she asked pointing to the pile in the chair in the corner. 

“Yes, that would be my blanket,  my coffee mug, my hoodie and my books.  I thought you spent these past two weeks hanging in my office, not stealing things from it,” he teased as he picked up the pile of his random belongs.

“Did spend way too much time in there,” Marissa admitted.

“You don’t have to stop spending time in there, even though I’m coming back,” he said quietly from the doorway.  Before Marissa could respond Bull turned and headed back to his office with his things.

She finished up what she was working on and headed for the kitchen to get something to drink.  Bull was at his desk typing on his computer when she walked by. 

Grabbing two cans of Diet Coke from the fridge she headed for Bull’s office.  She found him standing by the window, staring out over the city.  The pop and hiss of the soda being opened alerted Bull to her presence.  He looked over his shoulder and waved her in the room.

“Hey,” Marissa said as she came into the room.   She handed him the open soda which he took with a small smile.  She opened hers, standing next to him.  With a little hesitation, she reached out and rubbed his back. They stood in silence for a few minutes until Bull turned and went to sit on the couch.

“Talk here?” he asked as he patted the couch cushion next to him.

“Sure,” Marissa said as she kicked off her sneakers and tucked her feet under her.  Bull smiled at her and she reached out to give a little tug on the string of the navy blue hoodie he was wearing. 

“You want to start?” he asked. 

“It’s your turn to start, I started the last one,” she teased.

“Yeah, I remember,” Bull muttered as he kicked off his own sneakers and sat crossed legged on the couch facing Marissa.  “I think we’ll be okay with work boundaries.  Hiring Alexander, I think that will be good for both of us.  But these last two weeks, as sucky as they have been, have also been really nice.  We’ve spent a lot of time together and things have been very, very comfortable between us.  Now I’m not complaining or anything,” he said with a grin.  “But we need some personal boundaries for the office.”

“I agree,” Marissa said, happy that Bull seemed to realize what conversation they needed to have.  “What kind of boundaries?” she asked, rather curious about his answer.

“Hugging and kissing on the cheek, well, we need to cut down a little on that, at least in public,” he said with a wink.

“Agreed.  And we will be spending less time together outside the office,” Marissa said, waiting for a reaction from Bull.  He didn’t say anything but the look on his face let her know he wasn’t thrilled about that.  “Jason, I’m not saying we’ll never hang out.  We just need some space, don’t you agree.”

“Yeah, I do.  And I guess sharing a bed is not going to happen again soon,” he muttered.

“No, it’s not,” she replied simply.  “And I will be sleeping at home tonight,” she added.  Bull nodded his understanding.

“You’ll still come work in here?” Bulls asked.

“Of course,” Marissa assured him as she patted his hand.  “To our coworkers, our personal relationship shouldn’t look any different.  They all know we’re the best of friends. They expect us to work in here, they expect me to slap you on the back of the head when necessary, they expect a certain amount of flirting, that’s just us.  They will notice the changes in our working relationship.”

“Benny and Chunk certainly will, since you talked to both of them,” Bull said simply.  There was no accusatory edge to his voice and for that Marissa was grateful.  “I want this to work, more than anything,” he whispered.

“Me too Jason, me too,” she whispered back.

“Do you feel better about your decision to stay here at TAC?” he asked as he reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.  She smiled at the gesture and leaned her cheek into his hand.

“I think I do.  Having these last two weeks here without you were good for me,” she said quietly.  He gave a quick roll of his eyes.  “Yeah, sorry about that,” she smirked.  “I had time to concentrate on my work, on running this place without you.  And I did damn good.”

“Yes, you did. And without me around you actually got out of here at a reasonable hour.”

“And I didn’t get any calls for clean clothes at 3 in the morning.”

“True,” he groaned.  “Do we have to relive all of my less than stellar habits?”

“No, I think I’m done,” she smirked.

“Good. Any food in the kitchen, I’m getting hungry.”

“Have you ever known the TAC kitchen to not have any food?” she teased as she stood.  She held out a hand to him and pulled him to his feet.  Neither bothered to put their sneakers back on as they crossed the office heading for the kitchen.

*****

By the time Bull finished his sandwich and a bag of chips he was yawning a bit.  He glanced at his watch.  “1:00, right on time for the yawning to start,” he muttered as he slid off the stool and threw away his trash.  He grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and wandered around for a minute.

“Why don’t you go in my office and grab the file on top of my desk.  It’s what we’re going to start with on Monday.  Curl up on your couch and read a little.  I’m going to straighten up a few things in the mock court room.  Deal?”

“You know you’re going to end up waking me,” he teased.

“I do know that.  And I can live with it,” she teased right back.  She shooed him out of the room with a swat to the rear.

“No more smacking me on the ass, Riss,” he smirked as he ran out of the room to avoid being smacked again by her.

“I’ll try to control myself from now on,” she yelled at his retreating form.

Marissa went into the mock court room and straightened a few things up.  It wasn’t too messy in there, in the past two week they hadn’t spent the same amount of time in there as they usually did.  And the cleaning service had been in there earlier that morning.  She spent a few minutes just sitting in the front row letting her mind wander a bit.

The ringing of her phone brought her back to the present.  She didn’t recognize the number and she declined it with a quick press of the side button.  With a little sigh she propelled herself to her feet, grabbed a bottle of water from the kitchen and headed for Bull’s office.  Much to her surprise he was still awake.  His feet were on the coffee table, blanket over his lap, glasses sliding down on his nose.  The file in was one hand and his head was propped up in the other.  Basically he looked adorable.  She was able to watch him for a good 30 seconds before she was noticed.

“Hey, you’re still awake,” she grinned as she came in the room and plopped down on the other end of the couch, taking half the blanket.

“Barely, although this case is rather interesting,” he said as she took the file out of his hand and set it on the end table. 

Bull slid down so his head was resting against the back of the couch.  Marissa reached out to push his glasses back up where they belonged.  She ran her hand through his hair.  He turned towards her and gave her a little smirk.

“What’s the smirk for?” Marissa asked.  She got a shrug of his shoulders.  “What do you feel like doing now?” she asked as he took off his glasses and set them in his lap.  He rubbed at his eyes a little and scrubbed a hand down his face. “How about we spend a few minutes doing the things we’re not going to be doing come Monday?” she asked with a grin of her own.  He scrunched up his face a little and gave her a questioning look.  Marissa took his glasses out of his lap and tossed them on the coffee table.  She tucked her feet under her and curled up against his side, head on his shoulder, left arm wrapped around his waist.  He put his arm around her shoulders and kissed her forehead.

“I will miss this,” he whispered. 

“Me too,” Marissa replied.

Bull felt himself relax for what felt like the first time all day.  Eventually Marissa felt his breathing even out and she knew he just about asleep.  She sat up and reached over to grab one of the throw pillows and set it in her lap. Maneuvering him a little she settled him down with his head in her lap.  She propped her feet on the coffee table and rested her hand over his heart.  As she watched him sleep she started to realize just how much she was going to miss this too.

*****

“Riss, what are you doing?” Bull asked.  It was a little before 4:00 and she was standing in his kitchen with her head in his freezer.  They’d arrived back at his place a little before 3:00 after finishing up at the office and taking a walk.

“Trying to decide what I want for dinner tomorrow night,” she said as she pulled out a container of pulled pork.

“Did I invite you over for dinner tomorrow night?” Bull teased from the island where he sat scrolling through Facebook on his phone.

“Not yet, but you will.”

“We can have that tonight for dinner, you know,” he said.

“I have plans with Cable and Danny for dinner tonight.”

“Great, I’ll come along,” he announced.

“Girls night, Jason.  You’re not invited,” she clarified.

“Fine,” he muttered.  “Maybe I’ll see what the guys are doing.”

“Sounds like a plan.  I’m going to head out in a few minutes.  Don’t stay up too late, you need to get back on a work schedule.  And don’t eat crap for dinner.”

“Yes Mom,” he smirked.  “And like there’s any crap in the house to eat.  You pretty much took care of that two weeks ago.”

“True.  Call me in the morning and we can decide what to do,” Marissa said as she put her glass in the sink and headed to the guest room to grab her bag.

“I’ll call the driver.”

“That’s not necessary Jason, I am perfectly capable of taking a cab,” she called from the guest room.

Bull met her at the front door.  She put her bag over her shoulder.  In an effort to avoid any awkwardness she just reached up, kissed his cheek, said goodbye and left quickly.

She went down to the lobby and Mark hailed her a cab.

Bull put on a pot of coffee and settled down to watch baseball.  He did give a fleeting thought to calling Chunk or Benny but in the end he realized that hanging out alone didn’t sound all that bad.

 


	14. Chapter 14

Day 14

Sunday

Having gone to bed at a reasonable hour, Bull was up at 6:30.  It was cloudy but not raining yet, although the forecast called for rain within the next few hours. He ate a banana with peanut butter and went out for a fairly long walk.  He was feeling pretty good, even managing to jog a few blocks before getting the feeling he was pushing his recovery just a bit.  He stopped for rolls and cole slaw for dinner at the deli around the corner.  As he stepped into the lobby of his building the skies opened up and the rain started. 

His text alert went off as he was kicking off his sneakers and heading for the kitchen.

 

_MM-Good morning._

He hit the button on the coffee maker and got himself a bottle of water before sitting at the island to text her back.

 

_JB-Morning.  Before you ask, grilled chicken and vegetables for dinner, 7 hours of sleep and I’ve already been out for a walk this morning.   Even jogged a few blocks._

_MM-Wow, I must say I’m impressed.  As for me, greasy appetizers and booze for dinner, 5 hours sleep and I’m still in my pajamas._ _J_

_JB-your life sounds more fun.  I had grand plans to get out of the city for the day, but I guess that’s not the best idea.  The plan involved being outside._

_MM-Yeah probably not the best idea.  And to be honest, I think taking it easy is in your best interest today._

_JB-probably._

_MM-what was it?_

_JB-huh?_

_MM-your grand plan?_

_JB-ah, that quirky little town in Jersey you like._

_MM-Red Bank?_

_JB-yeah_

_MM-I’ll take a rain check.  Maybe next weekend._

_JB-sound good, if you’re willing to spend time with me by next weekend.  I may drive you crazy at work this week._

_MM-oh I’m prepared for that.  Let me get moving and I’ll come over.  You want a bagel?_

_JB-bagel sounds great.  I’ll be here.   And I know I owe you a Mario Cart rematch._

_MM-You sure do.  I’ll see you in a while._

_JB-Take your time._

Bull finished his cup of coffee and hopped in the shower.  After lingering in there for a rather long time he got out, dried off quickly and ran a hand over his face while looking in the mirror.  He needed to trim down the scruff a little but he figured he could do that later or in the morning. 

He pulled a pair of cargo shorts out of the drawer and slipped them on, happy to notice they’d were considerably looser than they had been two weeks earlier. It was rather chilly so he grabbed a long sleeved t-shirt and pulled it on, smiling as he realized the last time he saw the shirt Marissa had been wearing it.

He sat down at the island with the Sunday crossword and another cup of coffee to wait for Marissa.

Marissa arrived a little before 11:00, letting herself in while calling his name.

“Kitchen,” he called back as he put down his pen and slid off the stool to greet her.  She had set her umbrella in the corner of the foyer and was kicking off her shoes when he got to her. 

“Morning,” she said with a big smile as she handed him the bag with the bagels.  He took half a step towards when he stopped himself.  She just rolled her eyes at him and reached up to kiss his cheek.  He laughed as he turned towards the kitchen.  Marissa dropped her ever present tote bag on a kitchen chair before grabbing a mug and pouring the last of the coffee.

“Should I make more?” she asked, pointing to the empty pot.

“Have you ever known me to turn down coffee?” Bull teased.

“Nope,” she chuckled as she grabbed the can of coffee and made another pot. Bull unwrapped the bagels, everything with cream cheese for her, poppy with butter for him. 

“Ready for tomorrow?” Marissa asked.

“I think so.  I think going in yesterday to get things organized a bit was a good idea.  I want to get there early tomorrow, preferably before everyone else.  Well, except for you,” he added with a smile.  “I can have the driver swing by and pick you up in the morning.”

“No, I’ll let you get settled by yourself.  I’ll be in about 7:30.”  Bull nodded his acceptance.  “Since the weather sucks today what should we do?  Besides Mario Cart, of course.”

“Maybe bake some stuff to take to the office tomorrow. A Iittle thank you to everyone for putting up with my texting about work when I wasn’t supposed to,” he smirked.

“Sounds great.  Hope you have everything we need, it’s nasty out there,” Marissa said motioning towards the window where the rain was beating down harder than it had been when she arrived earlier.   

Bull just rolled his eyes and motioned towards his always well stocked pantry.  He opened the fridge to grab some butter to set out to soften a bit. 

“It’s Benny,” Marissa said as she picked up her ringing cell phone and went to take the call in his office.  While she was on the phone Bull decided what to bake.  The three bananas on the counter that were just past their prime would become banana bread.  Chocolate chip cookies were the favorite of most of the office so they were a given.  He figured he would let Marissa pick the final treat to bake.  She came back into the kitchen as Bull was pulling the dry ingredients out of the pantry.

“Anything I need to know about?” he asked.

“Not really,” she replied as she poured another cup of coffee.

Bull just eyed her warily.  “Please tell me you’re not planning anything for tomorrow.  No fuss, that’s what I want.”

“No fuss is what I told everyone.  But having said that, I have no control over them,” she added for good measure.

“So whatever happens, it’s not your fault?” he smirked as he leaned over to grab the cookie sheets out of the cabinet.

“Exactly,” Marissa said as she took a seat at the island with her coffee.

“Enjoying the view?” Bull asked as he glanced over his shoulder as he pulled the final cooling rack out of the cabinet.

“Uh, uh, yes,” Marissa squeaked out as she felt her cheeks turn red.

“Okay,” he muttered with a shrug of the shoulders.  “Banana bread, chocolate chip cookies and something of your choosing,” he announced as he pulled the mixer out from under the corner cabinet.

“I’ll think about that,” she said as she slid off the counter.  She grabbed his cell phone and picked out some music.  The sound of the Sirius Broadway channel flowed through the speaker on the counter. 

“Nice choice,” he said as he pulled the eggs out of the fridge.

“What should I do?” Marissa asked as she surveyed the scene in front of her.  When Bull baked she tended to hang back and let him tell he what he needed. 

“You can measure the dry ingredients,” he said as he handed her the bag of chocolate chips with the recipe on the back.  She measured the flour, baking soda and salt into a bowl after dumping the white sugar and brown sugar into the mixer.  While Bull finished mixing everything up she sprayed the cookie sheets with non stick spray and opened the bag of chocolate chips, dumping half the bag in the bowl.  She popped a few in her mouth and put the remaining chips in a Tupperware container. 

She hopped up on the counter while he spooned the dough onto the cookie sheets. 

While the cookies baked Marissa and Bull talked about the case they were going to focus on in the morning.  The rest of the team had met with the defendant and his family earlier in the week.  Bull would be meeting with them tomorrow afternoon.

“What time am I meeting with James Louis tomorrow?” he asked as he put the last of the cookies in the oven.  He grabbed two of the warm ones and crossed the kitchen to hand Marissa one.

“2:30, I figured that will give you time to rest a little after lunch, if you need it,” she clarified with a small smile.  She took a bite of the cookie he handed her.  “Delicious,” she announced.

“Good.  And I probably will need to rest for a little while after lunch.  I’m really going to try not to push myself.  And I need your to help me do that.  If that’s okay with you.  I know we’re working on boundaries.”

“Jason, do you think there is anyway in hell I’m not going to look out for you?”

“Not at all,” he chuckled as she reached her hands out towards him.  He grabbed them and moved to stand in between her knees.  “And I may not say it, but I am glad you are looking out for me.”

“Good,” she said with a smile as she put her hands on his hips and held him there for a minute.  He put his hands on her shoulders.  He kissed her forehead as the oven timer beeped.  Marissa patted his side as he stepped away.  “Getting skinny there buddy,” she said with a wink.

“Yeah, shorts were loose when I put them on this morning,” he announced as he opened the oven. 

While Bull mixed up the banana bread Marissa opened the freezer, hunting around.

“You got pulled pork out yesterday for dinner.  I assume you’re not going to be here for dinner tomorrow.  What are you looking for?” he asked as he put the loaf pan in the oven.

“Blueberries,” she said over her shoulder.

“Try the door,” he suggested as he poured another cup of coffee.

“Found them,” she announced.  “Oh blueberry coffeecake,” she said, answering the question he asked an hour ago.

“Kind of figured,” he teased as he grabbed a colander out of the cabinet.  He set it into the sink and dumped a cup of blueberries in there to thaw.  He found the recipe and set it on in the counter. “So banana bread is baking and blueberries are thawing.  Time for a rematch?”

“Sure,” Marissa replied as she grabbed an apple out of the basket on the island.  Bull went into the pantry and came out with the jar of peanut butter, knowing that would be the next thing she would be looking for.  “Thanks,” she said as he handed her the jar and a knife. 

Bull grabbed a bottle of water and a handful of grapes out of the fridge before heading for his office.  Marissa used the bathroom and met him there a few minutes later.

“Prepare to go down,” she announced as she plopped on the couch next to him, grabbing the remote out of his hand. 

“Oh, I don’t think so,” he snorted as he took a drink of water before propping his feet on the coffee table.

It was a hard fought 2 out of 3 but in the end, Marissa emerged victorious.  An outcome she celebrated by dancing around the office, teasing Bull about his loss.  He took the teasing in stride and bowed down to her skills.

It was 2:00 by the time Marissa stopped celebrating.  Bull was standing at the slider, looking out, trying his best to stop from yawning.  The oven timer went off, signaling the banana bread was done.  He started to head for the kitchen when Marissa waved him off, instead turning him towards the couch.

“I’ll get that out and mix up the coffee cake.  Relax for a little awhile,” she offered.

He eyed her warily and the look was ruined by a massive yawn. “Try not to burn the place down,” he smirked he flopped down on the couch and turned on the television. 

Marissa took the banana bread out of the oven and put it on the cooling rack on the kitchen table.  She read over the recipe for the blueberry coffee cake and got everything out.  She was actually more proficient in the kitchen than she let on, she just didn’t enjoy cooking and baking as much as Bull did.

With the coffee cake in the oven she peeked in to see what Bull was up to.  He was sound asleep, as she figured he would be.  Stretched out on his stomach he had one arm hanging over the edge of the couch, his other hand tucked under his head.  She turned off the telelvion and opened up the slider a little to let in some fresh air.  The rain had stopped for the moment but it was supposed to pick up again later in the evening.

She grabbed her book and curled up on the recliner, making sure the timer on her phone was set so she didn’t burn the coffee cake.  Bull was still asleep 30 minutes later when the timer went off.  Marissa took the cake out of the oven and put on water for tea.  The rain had started again and she closed the windows.  She wandered around for a few minutes, eventually going back to the office to check on Bull.

 

He was still asleep but pretty restless, almost talking in his sleep.  She put her tea down and sat on the edge of the coffee table, gently reached out to rub his back to calm him a bit.  He startled awake and sat up too quickly, getting dizzy and rather pale.

“Hey Jason, it’s okay.  Take a deep breath,” Marissa said as she slid off the coffee table and sat next to him.  She gently guided his head down a little and rubbed his back.  He took a few slow, deep breaths, centering himself just a bit.  “Nightmare?” she guessed.

“Yeah,” he muttered as he sat back up, scrubbing a hand down his face.  “I’m okay,” he said, knowing Marissa wasn’t really likely to believe him.

“Yeah, I don’t think so,” she said as she gave him a pointed look.  “Stay here, let me get you something to drink.  Ginger ale?”  He just nodded as he curled back up in the corner of the couch.

Marissa got a can of ginger ale and a cool, damp washcloth.  He was still curled up in the corner when she got back.  She turned on the light on the end table and sat next to him.  She wiped his face a bit and opened the soda for him.  He took a few sips and handed it back.  He glanced at Marissa and tried his best to smile.  With a sigh he scooted down, resting his head against the back of the couch.  Marissa tucked her feet under her and faced him.  She ran a hand through his hair and gave him a sad smile.

“So the nightmares…went did they start and  how often?” she asked.

“Before the heart attack and a few times a week.  Hasn’t really been an issue these last two weeks.  I could just sleep late or take a nap.  But starting tomorrow that’s not going to work for me.  I know I can nap in the afternoon, I own the company.  But I want to come back completely.  I don’t want looks of pity or for people to take it easy on me.  I don’t want things to be different.”

“But Jason, things are different.  That doesn’t mean bad, it means different.”

“Different sucks,” he sighed.  Marissa bit back her desire to smack the back of his head. 

“Things being different from how they were right before the heart attack is a good thing.  You were headed somewhere rather dark and dangerous.  Now, I’m sorry if that’s too blunt.  But I’ve known you long enough to know that blunt works for you.”

“It does. But…”

“But what?  Talk to me Jason,” Marissa urged him as she reached out to grab his hand.

“To quote you…I’m sure of very little right now,” he whispered as he turned his head to look her in the eye.  Marissa gave him a sad little smile as she reached out with her other hand to cup his cheek. He turned his head and pressed a kiss to her hand.

“Come here,” Marissa whispered as she scooted to the end of the couch.  She tugged on his shirt sleeve and he hesitated for about two seconds before crawling into her embrace.  He tossed his glasses on the table.  “Do you want to talk?” Marissa whispered as she pressed her cheek against the top of his head.  He just shook his head.  “You don’t have to talk, we can just….be.”

“Quoting Bull Durham?” he teased before taking a shaky breath. 

“Yep,” Marissa replied a she pressed her hand over his heart, a move that was his undoing.  Within a minute, his tears were her undoing. It was a good ten minutes before either of them could even think about forming a coherent sentence.

Bull eventually pulled out of her embrace and sat up.  “Well that was dramatic and probably inevitable,” he muttered as he wiped his face on his t-shirt.  “Now what?” he asked as he curled back up against her side.

“A few more minutes of this.  And then an early dinner, I think we forgot to eat lunch,” Marissa grinned as she kissed his forehead.

*******

Bull made some macaroni and cheese to go along with the pulled pork sandwiches.  To Marissa’s delight it was “real” mac and cheese, not the stuff from the blue box.  They chatted a little about work over dinner, nothing overly involved or emotion producing.  It was clear Bull didn’t want that.  And Marissa was very much inclined to let him take the lead for the rest of their time together.

After dinner Marissa cleaned up while Bull packed up the treats they baked earlier.  He set everything by the front door and went into his room, emerging a few minutes later with a small gift bag and envelope.

He went back into the kitchen where Marissa was sitting at the island with the Sunday paper and a glass of iced tea.  Silently he entered the room, set the bag in front of her and sat down on the other stool.

“What’s this?” she asked as she pushed the newspaper aside.

“Just a little something I picked up when I was at the jewelry store this week.”

“Uh Jason, what were you doing at the jewelry store?” she asked curiously.

“Watch battery,” he explained, pointing to his left wrist.

“Should I open it?”

“Uh, the gift yes, the card, probably not,” he said with a wink.  Marissa nodded her understanding.  Anything he would write to her should be read in private, probably with a glass of wine in hand.

Marissa pulled out a small square box with the Alex and Ani logo.  She smiled at the fact he even knew she liked the bracelets.  They weren’t something she wore much at work, she tended to wear them on the weekends.  She opened the box and pulled out a silver bracelet.  The charm was a small silver disc with a pink heart on a grey background in the center.  Around the heart was the saying—

LISTEN TO YOUR HEART

She took a deep shaky breath as tears sprang to her eyes.  “It’s beautiful,” she said as she slid off her stool and pulled him into a big hug.

“I mean it, listen to your heart.  Take all the time you need and know I will support you, no matter what you decide,” he whispered as he ran his hand over her hair.  She nodded against his shoulder, not trusting her voice at the moment.

“Thank you, it’s perfect,” whispered in his ear as she rubbed his back.

*******

The rain stopped and since they had eaten on the early side, they went for a walk around his neighborhood.  They stopped for ice cream at his request and then took another lap around the block at Marissa’s insistence. 

They arrived back at his place around 7:30. Marissa spent some time wandering the apartment picking up some random things she’d left around there previous two weeks.  Bull let her be, heading for his bedroom to pick out clothes for the morning. 

She eventually came in to check his room for a book she thought she left in there.  It was on the nightstand next to the bed.  Bull was in the walk in closet so she took a seat on the edge of the bed.

“You only wear like three different outfits, how hard could it be to pick out something for the morning?” she teased.

“Cute,” he called over his shoulder.  “Here, you can take this with you,” he said as he came out and tossed a t-shirt on top of the book she’d set on the end of the bed.  It was one she’d worn a few times recently. 

“Thanks,” she grinned.

He flopped into the overstuffed chair in the corner with a sigh, motioning for her to join him.  Marissa perched on the arm of the chair. She put her arm around his shoulders and pressed a kiss to the top of him head. 

“Thank you doesn’t seem to be enough,” he whispered.

“It is,” she assured him. She swung her legs over to rest her feet on the opposite arm of his chair. Bull wrapped his left arm around her waist and draped his right arm over her shins.  “Jason, I think I know how much these last few weeks have meant to you, they’ve meant the same thing to me.”  He nodded his understanding. 

Neither of them were interested in a big, emotional, gooey goodbye.  It wasn’t necessary, they would be seeing each other in 12 hours.  Curling up in the chair for another few minutes was all they needed.

“I need to get going,” Marissa eventually said as she pulled her feet down and stood up.  She grabbed the book and shirt and headed for the foyer.

Bull met her there a minute later, dangling her sneakers from his hand.  “I think you’ll need these,” he teased, pointing at her socks.

“Probably,” she grinned as she took a seat on the bench to slip them on. 

Bull held out his hand to her to pull her to her feet when she was done.  He pulled her into a fierce hug. “Love you,” he whispered into her ear.

“Love you too,” she replied as she stepped out his embrace.  She gave his cheek a kiss and picked up her things. 

“You want me to go down with you?” he offered.

“Not necessary.  Make yourself some tea, take a sleeping pill and I’ll see you in the morning,” she said with a final smile.  He returned the smile and gave her a wink.

And with that Bull was alone.

*******

Marissa got home a little before 9:00.  She took a quick shower in the hopes of relaxing a little.  When that didn’t work she poured herself a glass of wine and curled up on her couch, dressed in the t-shirt of Jason’s.  She pulled the card out of the gift bag she’d put on the coffee table when she got home.  Taking a large gulp of wine she opened the envelope and pulled out the card.  It was a simple note card with a pencil sketch of an airplane on it.  She tossed the plaid throw over her legs and opened up the card.

*******

Dear Marissa,

I honestly have no idea how to even begin. I can’t possibly thank you for all you’ve done these past three weeks.  Without you I have no idea where I would be at this moment.  Well, I probably have some idea, and believe me, it’s not pretty.

Anyway.

I admit it’s been tough at times, both the actual recovery and some of the things we’ve gone through, talked about, shared in the wee hours of the morning and cried over.  You saw me at my worst yet you stuck with me, even when I couldn’t really make sense of what was happening or how I was feeling.

As you’ve said many times recently, our personal relationship just…works.  It was the shoulder to cry on, a kiss to the cheek, a sorely needed hug, the box of tissues in your hand, the can of ginger ale when I was about to puke and million other little things which got me through all this.  Things were comfortable and yes, too comfortable at times.  But I think we can work on that.  Just don’t expect things to go smoothly, for either of us.  That’s not realistic!

I can’t pretend to understand how you feel regarding your future at TAC.  But you know how I feel.  I will do anything in my power to make things comfortable for you, should you decide to stay.  The decision needs to be up to you and you alone. 

Follow your heart.

Marissa, you are an amazing person and my life is better because you’re a part of it.  Don’t ever forget that.

I love you.

Jason

*****

She read it twice, wiped away a few tears and set it on the coffee table.  Another swallow of wine and she picked up her cell to text him.  It took a few minutes to decide what to text.  In the end she went with a simple quote from WICKED.

 

_MM-because I knew you, I have been changed for good._

_JB-like a hand print on my heart. Good night._

_MM-Good night, sleep well.  See you in the morning._

*****

Epilogue

Monday

Day 15

 

It was a few minutes after 6:30 when Bull arrived at TAC Monday morning.  He was thankfully the first one to arrive.  He was pretty sure Marissa had told everyone to come in a little on the late side.  The goodies they baked were dropped in the kitchen before he headed for his office.  Standing in the doorway for a few seconds he took a deep breath and crossed the threshold.  He tossed his backpack on the couch and stood at the window for a minute, looking out at the sunrise.  With a deep breath he took off his suit jacket and set it over the back of his chair before sitting down.  While he was far from a religious person he sent up a small prayer before pushing his glasses up on his nose and opening the drawer for a pen.

He stopped short at the sight of an envelope with his name on it in Marissa’s loopy handwriting.  With a shaking hand he pulled it out and carefully opened it.

*****

Dear Jason,

First of all, take a deep breath and relax.  I can assure you this is not the same letter I put in your desk weeks ago. 

I apologize in advance if this rambles a bit.

These last three weeks have been, eventful, to say the least.  Your world has been turned upside down and by extension so has mine.  But believe me I am not trying to equate your heart attack with anything that might be going on in my life.

We’ve spent a lot of time together these last few weeks.  We’ve had more than our share of awkward conversations, tears, misunderstandings and puking.  But we’ve also had some really nice moments, both appropriate and maybe not so much. Like I said more than once, as friends we work well without much effort.  Probably too well, but I think our conversation on Saturday covered that. 

Anyway, a few weeks ago when I bailed you out of jail we had a conversation in your car.  I told you I was tired of feeling pity for you, tired of worrying about you.  That I wanted you to go back to being the man I’ve admired for years. 

I can say without a doubt that after these past three weeks you are once again the man that I’ve admired for years.  You may not realize or agree with my assessment but you’ve handled this whole situation with grace and dignity.  Sure, you had your moments, but pain and fear will do that to a person.  I’m proud of you and I’m proud of us. 

I don’t know what the future holds for us professionally.  What I do know is this: I love TAC, I love the work we do, I love the difference we make in the lives of our clients.  And yes, I do love you.  You are my best friend, remember that when I’m bothering you about resting after lunch and leaving the office at a reasonable hour.

I don’t hold out any great hope that things won’t be rocky between us for a while.  I think we’re prepared for that.  We do have a lot to work through but I’ve always had faith in us.  And I hope you do too.

You know my love for Winnie the Pooh so I will leave you with this quote, (two thirds of which applies to you J)

**You are braver than you believe,**

**Stronger than you seem**

**And smarter than you think**

I fully believe you are braver and stronger than you think you are.  As for being smarter than you think, not so much, that would probably just make you unbearable to be around.

Many people know that quote, but not many people know the next two lines:

**But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart…**

**I’ll always be with you.**

So my dear Jason, take another deep breath and get to work. 

Love Always,

Marissa

*****

Bull slipped the letter back into the envelope and did just that.

 

THE END

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's it. To those of you who have stuck with me until the end, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
> 
> I have to admit I thought this last chapter would be easy to write. Just wrap it all up neatly and be done with it. But 13 days after posting the previous chapter and mere days before the Bull season premiere I found myself struggling with how to end this. I went through quite a few ideas, scrapping a few scenes but saving them for later stories. I wanted to end it in a way that was somewhat in character for both Jason and Marissa. I'm hoping I was able to do that. I have no great expectation that I will be able to merge what I've written with the new season, but who knows.
> 
> Those of you who read the first story in this series know that I write Jason and Marissa from a very personal place, being in a very similar relationship with a doctor I work with. Some small snippets of scenes, lines of dialogue and Marissa's thoughts come directly from my life. 
> 
> I look forward to writing more of their relationship as the season begins. I have plans to write some of my original character, Alexander, the assistant Bull hired.
> 
> In case anyone wants to see it, here is the link to the bracelet Jason gave Marissa. 
> 
> https://www.alexandani.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/1200x/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/C/B/CBD16LHSS_ANGLE_v3.png
> 
> Thank you again for you kudos and comments.


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